Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Eve

OH, on the edge of a new year. It's all full of hope and excitement. At least for me! I have had some ups and downs this past year, but I must say more ups than downs. We had no major crises in our family. My weight loss....well sucked this year. But I'm still here and I'm happy and and I'm determined to work on that.

I realize every year it's the same thing. My New Year's Resolution is to guess???? lose weight. Well, I'm doing it again. My New Year's resolution IS to lose weight. AGAIN..........and AGAIN.............and AGAIN........and maybe one day it will take. you know? I don't want to give up.

I will be starting anew this weekend. My work week begins again on Monday. I have been off for two weeks and have thoroughly enjoyed all the seasonal food and parties and more food and more parties and well, it's time to stop it and get back to where I need to be. I want to feel good. That's all. Okay, well, that's not all. I want to look good. I want to be healthy. I want ........IT ALL BABY! And well, I am the only one that can do it.

So, here I am again. I'm like my pixie weight watcher's membership had to go. But, I know she knows the program backwards and forwards. We probably ALL do, so why is it we can't do this ourselves? Well, I think we all have a different answer for that. Mine is, I just don't think I want to! I find it much easier to do this with other people. Does that mean going to meetings, etc. with others. No, not necessarily. It means knowing we aren't alone in this.

I will do this again. I want to. Yes, I want to. This time next week, I may be saying something else. WHO KNOWS! I know one won't happen if we don't keep trying. SO, put your big-girl panties on and get to it. Or your big-boy boxers....whichever! JUST DO IT.......!

Thanks to those who have stopped by and read my blog even though I have kind of fallen off the face of the earth at times. It's not because I am ashamed of my efforts, Im really not. It's because I have been way too busy and well, facebook has taken up a lot of my time too!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! May God continue to bless me and my family and may he Bless You and Yours just as much!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Awwwwhhhhhhh! Vacation

Okay, so it's official....I am on vacation. What I lovingly call CHRISTMAS BREAK, but of course, the public school system for which I work, calls it "winter break". W/E... You work at the school where I work, you know there is prayer in school. No way we could make it through one day without it!!

So two weeks off. Think I have all the presents ready. Have to shop for the dinner. Yay! Lately, I have come to a new conclusion.............I HATE COOKING. Yep that's right. I hate it. I especially hate it because everyone in my household thinks it magically appears out of my ass I guess (gosh I hope not, that would be gross)..Anyway, if I cook what I want, then no one likes it anymore even though they have eaten it for 20 some-odd years. I get so tired of trying to think about what others want for dinner. I can't make up my own mind. At work, around lunchtime, it's truly hilarious watching all of us women trying to make up our minds about what we want for lunch. Truly amazing! Once, just ONCE...I want my husband or my son to go to the grocery store, shop for the week, prepare meals for everyone and have everyone like what you cook. It's NOT F=ING POSSIBLE!

So, Christmas is a few days away. I have many blessings in my life that I am truly happy why is it this time of year gets me down? I have no reason. No heartache around this time. No loved ones lost. Just my own inadequacies I guess. I always get the feeling of not doing enough, not having enough, not giving enough, not being enough. But, again, these are all in my head and I seriously have no real reason for being depressed. So, what am I trying to do to make things cheery around here? Cook......I hate cooking these days, but cooking at the holidays seems like a tradition with the homemade cookies and candy, cheeseballs and chex mix, pies and cakes, get the picture and not a one of them low fat and/or healthy! That always makes you feel good, right? NOT!

So, for all of you out there in the same boat (thanks Carlos), hang on.....this boat might be sinking, but I think we can make to shore!!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Yep, that's right. 26 years ago today AND 21 years ago today I gave birth. My son Dustin was born 26 yrs. ago today and Owen was born 21 yrs. ago today. Not planned that way...totally spontaneous events...........from conception to birth!! LOL

They are the best things that ever happened to me. They are as different as daylight and dark. That's what makes them terrific. The oldest is the more scholarly, book-nerd (an Affectionate term) and the youngest is more of the get your hands dirty type of kid. I was always destined to be a mom. I love being a mom...from 2 a.m. feedings to helping with homework, little league, band, girls, broken hearts, a name it. It's the most amazing thing in the world....and the most stressful, the most rewarding...the most get the point.

There are times I look back and think I could've done this better or that better. Why didn't we do this? Did I warp my child for life? Who knows. What I do know is that I spent their entire lifetimes doing what I (we --- husband and me) thought was in their best interests.

I am truly blessed. They are two wonderful men now. I couldn't be more proud! I love them with all my heart!

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I have so much to be thankful for. I do love Thanksgiving. I have two beautiful sons. One is married....the other has a steady girlfriend. I love them all. But, I must say, I love having Thanksgiving at my some degree. I know I am selfish. What can I say.

My son had Thanksgiving at his house and his wife (and him as well) did a wonderful job with the Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was marvelous. I must say though, I like my Thanksgiving traditional dinner items. Her parents brought some things that I just didn't care for....and well, it made things stressful. That and we are just not the same type of people, from very different backgrounds...they are about 15 years older than we are, and have very very very different views on the world and what is in it. So, there wasn't much talking going on. I wouldn't go so far as to say I don't like them.... I don't know them well enough to like or dislike....I do know enough to know we are "different" and it makes for awkward moments.

My oldest son has always been a different soul than his parents. We are down to earth....he so desperately is trying to find out who he is, not having a clue where to look. Things are strained for him and his wife and I can tell. He is still in school..she is working. That causes stress right there. I love my son, but he has become someone I don't know at all. We are down to earth and he isn't any more. IT makes things hard sometimes...but I do it because I love him dearly! I think what hurts the most is he seems more comfortable with his in-laws than he does his own family. I won't say it doesn't does. But, I know that he has to find his own way in the world. Of course, it doesn't help that he lives right next door to them and they are very dominating people. Oh well. We will work through this too.

They did have a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at their house which is far more formal than we ever do at ours. My youngest son (21 yrs. old) said, I like Thanksgiving at our house where you are allowed to be yourself and be comfortable. Now, that did make me feel good.! I didn't over eat though, because basically, I didn't like most of what they cooked. I liked the turkey that the daughter in law cooked. That was really good. I liked the sweet potato casserole and the squash casserole.....because I made it. So, at least most of the dinner was good. And I made the pumpkin pie, which, if I do say so myself, was wonderful! But, luckily for me, they kept all the leftovers! No overeating for me!!! That was a good point on this Thanksgiving.

So, hubby, my youngest son and his girlfriend, and myself went to do some shopping. We bought a ladder and put it in the back of the truck. So, when we get to the house, my son goes to get the ladder out of back of the truck, it slips out of his hand.....just a little.......and it hits the back window of my truck and SHATTERS the back window. Of course, glass goes everywhere! AND OF COURSE, no one is open to come and replace it today, we will have to wait until Monday. So, in the middle of this tiny crisis, my oldest son texts me to tell me that his car had been broken into last night by someone ....... they knocked out the driver's side window, stole his GPS, CDs and his good coat. Isn't that ironic? Or whatever it is!!! I guess you just have to don't you?

I guess I could say that made for a bad Thanksgiving weekend....but not really. These things happen. If I let all the little stuff get me down...I would be down all the time, now wouldn't I?

Peace out peeps!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Not much to report

Not dieting....but not I guess that's good, huh? Not stressing over it either. That is good. Work is crazy. I don't know if its the upcoming holidays or what, but the kiddos have gone crazy at school! Not just bad...........crazy! Had one student tell me the other day that the reason he was being so bad was because his regular teacher had taken the day off and when she did that...."it broke the spell", and "it's all her fault". He was drop-dead serious! Her being absent broke the spell that she put him was a "good behavior" spell and she broke it. This is a 9 year old kid. Crazy!

He's one of MANY that were just out of control...for the past two weeks. I am still walking as I believe its relieving a lot of my stress. Some days its a fast 20 minutes...others is a medium-paced 30 or so. I am a fast walker, so my medium is probably others fast. I only have one friend who walks almost as fast as me. My husband hates walking with me.....he wants to stroll...or what I call stroll....I want to walk exercise...not to pass the time. He is a stroll-er!

So, just checking in. Trying to get through the holidays. I love them and dislike them all at the same time. I love the family aspect - hate the commercialization of it all.

Keep in touch!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Sometimes you just have to......

take some time for yourself. I had some errands I needed to run today, so I went in to work and took a half day off. My work was more than caught up and of course a lot of it has been done in advance...that's how I, I thought, beautiful day, I have some errands I need to run.......take the rest of the day off. So I did. Did my errands. It only took an hour, which I thought it would take longer. Then, went and had a pedicure. A luxury, I know, but it is so relaxing and something I like to do for myself. Then I came home, took a short nap....then took my son to dinner. The hubby is working. Sometimes you just have to do what you need to do for yourself! Today was one of those days.

Been walking everyday, and feels great. Am upping my time every day. Started out at 15 at 30.....It is really helping my attitude and my health. Plus, it helps me gain some more I am not totally tired when I get home at night.

My stomach issues are doing well at the moment. I am so happy about that. I am still eating well, so that helps. Apples or bananas for breakfast. They keep me from having problems all day. Still laying off the tomato based stuff, onions, and most spicy stuff. That's helping too. Not losing like i want, but am eating right and feeling better.......that's my main concern at the moment!

I told myself I would have a great day today...............and I did. How wonderful is that?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

WE ARE WORTHY/A rant of sorts...........

Ok, so this hot mama got me to thinking after I read her post today...........(I know, very dangerous -- but she is so insightful, it got me thinking).

Why is it, in our society, that we (WE being those of us who are WEIGHT CHALLENGED!!) feel like we don't deserve to go to the beach to have a good time? Why is it we feel like we have to cover up, cower down, not get involved, stay in the get the point? Debby said for the first time in her life she was at ease at the beach wearing her bathing suit. Not caring what she "looked like" but just getting out there and doing what she wanted to do without a thought about "Oh, I better cover up before I go to the beach"....Or "I can't go to the pool in just my bathing suit". Guess what? WE ARE WORTHY! We really are! It's not the "pretty people" beach. Or resorts, or spas or any other vacation spot or fun spot. They aren't the only ones allowed to enjoy their lives. We are put in such a box, that we don't realize WE ARE WORTHY!

Don't get me wrong.................WE ARE THE MASTERS OF OUR OWN SHIPS..........No one else can put us in that box unless we allow them to do it. But, in the society in which we live, we are supposed to be ashamed that we stay inside....we sit on the sidelines......NOT ANY MORE PEOPLE! I want to enjoy my life.

This summer, though I wasn't as free out on the beach as Debby may have been, I did have an "I don't care" attitude when it came to being in the bathing suit. Debby has lost a lot of weight and deserves all the praises that comes with it. Me, not so much. HOWEVER, I am WORTHY! I got two new bathing suits this year, which my husband loves I might add. (They really show off the "girls" if you know what I mean?). So, I proudly wore my bathing suit this summer. I enjoyed the beach for the first time like I have never done before. I didn't care who was around. I was there for me....not for them. I went swimming when I damn well pleased. I didn't wait for the pool to be less crowded because I was embarrassed. Nope, I did what I wanted to on my vacation FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.... It was a good feeling and I appreciate my friend for writing on this topic, because it brought up some good memories from my summer vacation.

Again, I give credit to my blogger friend for pointing this out. She's amazing. If you've noticed lately, I have given her lots of "kudos" here on my blog. Well, first of all, its because I truly respect the effort she has made to change her life. How could you not? I also get so much inspiration from her blog. She's honest. She tells it like it is. She doesn't tell you that you have to lose weight her way or you're not going to succeed. She just shares her journey with us. Thanks AGAIN DEB!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Super Sunday

So, I woke up this morning to a beautiful day! The sun is shining. Its brisk, not cold outside. Getting ready to take a little walk with my little dog that I spoke about in my last post.

I must say, my little changes are making a world of good. I know me, will I keep it up? Who knows, but I am going to enjoy the moment. I have spent way too many days, hours, moments in my life wishing I had done things differently or being down on myself for not doing it the way everyone else says I should. I am going to enjoy this day, without guilt!

I woke up this morning and had an apple and cottage cheese for breakfast while the hubby had bacon and eggs. Guess what? I didn't want the bacon and eggs. I had squash and lima beans for lunch. No meat. In the south, I think that's a sin, but I love veggies! Don't get me wrong, I could never be a vegetarian, but I love just veggies sometimes!

I seem to be handling my stomach issues with changing some of my diet and some acid reflex medicine. I feel it bothering me some this morning. I never have burning heartburn, I just get a feeling of something stuck in my throat and an odd feeling on the right side of my chest. So, anyway, I have managed it rather well. Going to see how this works for now. I cannot afford some unnecessary tests at this point. The hubby had a kidney stone last month and we had to take him to the ER, and while we have fairly good insurance, just looking at the bill made me hyperventilate! So, gonna try to self medicate. If things get worse, of course, I will go in. My PC knows what's going on and wants me to see a GI doctor...but right now, it will have to wait.

Well, just checking on for the day. Love yourself no matter what. Self loathing only makes things worth. Take it from me! When I look in the mirror, I truly get pissed at myself and wonder how I let myself get here. I know how I got here. So, I stay away from the mirror. At least for one day. A day to just love myself and say, to hell with what the mirror says, I am beautiful!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Baby It's Cold Outside!

Where did this come from? The high is only 53 today? It's least to me! But, I am snuggled up in my chair with my fuzzy socks on and my fuzzy fleece pants enjoying my fall break. I truly do like this kind of weather. Snuggling weather, just wish the hubby was home to snuggle with. It's dreary looking, windy, and cold..all the ingredients for a hot chocolate (sugar free of course) and chili kind of evening! Ooh, chili, good idea!

Took my little dog walking with me yesterday and I must say, she and I both enjoyed it. I had my iPod going and I have two songs I play back to back because they are fast and upbeat and it makes me walk faster...well, I thought the poor thing was going to trip over her tongue! LOL We both felt better for it though. She's getting a little round, as am I, except in my case its ROUND-ER! It felt really great. I have been running my mom all over town this morning so haven't ventured out for my walk yet today. I have decided that I am going to do what makes me feel good. As I have said before, I have a tendency to be the "all or nothing" girl and just quit when I cannot achieve perfection, so I'm realizing perfection is what I make it out to be, not what someone else says I have to do. There are many, many, many more motivated people than little ole me in this world and I find myself feeling like I can't compete, like I can't do it to their level, so how could I ever be successful? Well, wait a minute. This is my life, my weight problem, my eating problem, why don't I do things MY WAY? Can you say duh? I am 45 years old. Why haven't I got this before? SO, I'm not perfect. Never will be, so quit trying. Does that mean I don't need to try harder at my weight loss efforts and exercise efforts? Well, of course not. What it means is I need to do what's right for me and quit trying to do someone else's program. Or think that because I can't do 200 crunches everyday that my efforts are all in vain!

So, here's to me! I am doing MY THANG from now on. Does that mean I will eat cake? Probably. Does that mean I will have potato chips? Probably. Does this mean I will quit trying and quit struggling with my weight issues? Never. So, I am going to try daily to make better choices and I am going to walk for 15 minutes since it makes me feel better. And oh, I will walk for 30 like I did yesterday because I had more energy. Or I will eat apples in the morning because it helps my stomach. I may have had an epiphany, or NOT.....But, what I do know is I am going to quit measuring myself with everyone else's tape measure!!

Love ya peeps!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A better (yet crazy) day!

Well, today was quite a crazy day at work. I mean, CRAZY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! But, I survived without choking not one of them. Aren't you proud? I seriously wanted to. I seriously did. No one even had to hold me back, even though I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to. Crazy.

Because of my stomach issues, eating just hasn't had its "allure" that it usually does. I realize I need to get it taken care of, and I will, but it has lead to me losing 4 lbs. Granted its four pounds I am losing AGAIN but its better than gaining and I am going to pat myself on the back for that. I have also started walking in the mornings again and I must say, its already making me feel better.

SO, I ask (mostly myself) why do I always quit doing the exercise when it makes me feel so much better? WHY OH WHY? I guess its because "I ain't got sense God gave a goose". Pretty much. Yes its an old southern saying my grandmother used to say. Gotta love it. So, just from walking 15 minutes in the gym before work, I have gained a lot of energy. I am proud of myself for that.

I am also changing one bad habit at a time! I started going by Sonic every morning and getting either a croisonic and a diet cherry sprite. Oh, I thought I was doing good because of the diet cherry sprite. OH how we try to deceive ourselves. Anyway, I changed that routine to a routine of a banana or and apple and a protein cereal bar (I do better with protein than with carbs) and I usually drink water. So, I figure, overhauling one meal at a time has got to help. It seems to have helped a little. I unfortunately tend to go all gung ho and dive in head first into anything I try and well with diets, I tend to quit them shortly thereafter because I didn't ease myself into. So this is me "easing". Good luck with that, right?

I want to shout out to one of my most inspirational gal pals. Now, she and I have never met. We are sisters at heart through our weight issues and I must say, she always has a supportive word or a "get off your ass and do something" type advice, which I desperately need. Thank you Debby!!! You are amazing and I want to be you when I grow up.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Still around......still struggling......but doing ok!

Just wanted to say I am still around! Sorry, I quit writing. I need to get back to it, I realize, but life in the way. No other excuses. Been struggling with dieting which is my life's story....! Been struggling with my #2 son, who has dropped out of college again. What to do? Who knows? WORK is crazy as usual, and fun. Who knew changing up the office configuration (people wise) would make such a positive change. In the 7 years I have worked in my office, it has never been this calm....maybe its because two of the major drama queens left. One had a baby and decided to stay home with her and the other, whom we thought would never ever leave, took a different job. Who knew? All I know is, it left us a person short in my office, however, you can't tell it. What does that say? Well, it says that the person who left, obviously isn't missed because well, she was dead weight anyway!

Going through some stomach issues. Doctors are thinking GERD (acid reflux) and/or hiatal hernia. Who knows. All I know is, why am I not losing weight when I eat half what I was eating two months ago? Even started walking again. No movement in the scale. The food I am eating, terribly bland stuff, low fat, pretty much no sugar except for some sherbet. would think a pound, maybe two down. Nope, not me! Oh well. I really am not discouraged. I don't have time to be!

Though I seem to be going through some "issues" I really don't feel like I am. I am the type to internalize my problems and maybe that's why the stomach issues, but who knows. The things that bother me shouldn't and the thinks I should get bothered about, I don't. I've always been backwards!

Life with the hubby is good, we are both just so tired all the time. He works like a dog and stress seems to take its toll on me. We are taking time to do things together, without the overgrown child still living at home!!!!

Just wanted to update and put down a few thoughts. If you read this, thanks! I appreciate it!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Trying so hard

Okay, to say I have been struggling since I started doing WW again is an understatement. But, its my own fault. I listen to the voices in my head when they tell me just to grab something on the way home instead of cook something, etc..... So today being Sunday....I decided I was going to cook some soup for the week that will help me stay OP. Cooking broccoli cheese (2 pt. per cup) and taco soup (1 pt. per cup). They always help when I have a hunger attack and there is nothing else around. Just heat and serve...ya know?

I have lost 8 lbs. total. I am disappointed with that, but I know I shouldn't be. I have been way over stressed at work and not eating like I should. I am still hoping for the lottery so I can shed the work and get rid of the stress..........but since that ain't likely to happen.......I guess I am going to have to do something else to manage that stress......Yes, you all know what the answer is. You have all TOLD me what the answer is..........EXERCISE. Whew, what a dirty word! I always like it when I get started but no matter how long I have done it, it is still a chore. I long to be one of those gym rats who love working out. Whose endorphins take over and you get a high from working out. No, that's never happened to me! Oh well. It is an absolutely chore every time I do anything "scheduled" for exercise. Do I always feel great afterwards? Hell yes! I always feel great when I have started back on WW too, but my fat friend inside my head always screws that up for me! LOL

So, this week, I am planning ahead thanks to this woman! I read her blog as often as I can. She is an amazing inspiration!

Peace out peeps...Gonna go stir the soup!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

An Update!

Here's a little update! Work is going somewhat better. The chaos that is the beginning of the school year has died down somewhat and we are beginning to get into a routine. I have two new people in the office with me and training them at the beginning of the year hasn't been easy...but it's getting better.

So, in a week and a half, I have lost 7 lbs. I am quite tickled!! LOL It hasn't been a great week food wise. Oh, I stuck to my points, however, I used every last one of them and have pretty much used all my weeklys and I don't weight in until Wednesday morning. But, that's okay. As my wise friend Debby says, if you fail to plan, you plan to I'm planning my lunches for work and that's really helping. I am just finding it difficult to do breakfast! That's my biggest hurdle right now. When I eat breakfast, I am hungry all day long! But, I know its good for me and I know its my metabolism "waking up" so to speak, so I just try to manage it!

Well, just wanted to put up a little update! Thanks for all the amazing support!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Feeling a bit better

So, work is getting better. The week turned out to be successful. We got school off to a great start here. All the kiddos in their little uniforms. They are so cute! Our systems decided to have uniforms this year and believe it or not, I would say about 95% of our students were completely in uniforms. I work at an "at risk" school in a poverty stricken area of town and it was the opinion of most that we would have trouble at our school with parents getting uniforms for their children. Not so. I was quite surprised.

Now, things are better at work. Basically, the FIT I had to throw worked and things are running a bit smoother. I still don't understand the need for the FIT, but when dealing with the totally irrational, it calls for desparate measures.

My friend (at work) and I have decided to start back on weight watchers for awhile. See what happens!! I have been doing pretty well. Tomorrow will be a challenge. My son is home from Uganda (he's been doing anthropology research for two months) and we are celebrating tomorrow. My son wants my chicken and dumplings and cheesecake. Go figure. My sister is bringing baked beans and carrot cake....there will be BBQ and potato chips....and who knows what else.

But, I am going to manage! I am starting to feel better already.....! I took a nap this afternoon and am now awake at 1:30 a.m. But, hey, gives me time to lurk around here, huh?

See ya

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I want to know why!!!

Okay, been a rough week this week. Of course, you know by now that I am talking about work! It's my major stressor at this point in my life. So, the week began with my office assistant transferring to the school I wanted to go to. That did not bother me. It really didn't....She is lazy and well, there is already someone in there doing twice as much as she did. What bothered me is my boss thinks she is just doing it for the money. NO, we all want to go. There was just another position over there that she could do. She didn't get the job I wanted, she doesn't have the experience or skills for that, but she did at least GO! I am happy for her in that respect. I really am. She got away from the irrational woman we work for. So the week started out with the boss telling me that the assistant that has basically been doing this other woman's job, wasn't going to get her job. Which means, I would be training not only a new attendance assistant, but another office assistant. Now, this person I want her to put in this position....has already filled in and knows the procedures. She is already in the outer office, answers questions, answers phones, deals with the children, and knows the inner workings of the schools systems procedures. So, the boss, in her not-so-infinite wisdom, decides she needs this other woman to continue being a reading interventionist and hire someone from the outside to take this person's place. Well, I threw a fit. A big one. I was professional, but I didn't back down. You have to realize, my boss is the type who, when questioned, begins to lie. She then begins to bring others into her lies. She blames things on central office and says they are the ones making those decisions, when in fact they are not. So, I cornered her and tried to make her see how irrational she was being. Well, needless to say it didn't make for a very good week. I DO NOT LIKE CONFRONTATION, and am usually the first one to back down......but in the last two or three years, I haven't been that person. I have had to stand up to her, because she treats people terribly and well, I can't stand it and I just revolted I guess. I am not that good at standing up for myself. No No NO, I don't need help. Well, this time, not only was I standing up for a co-worker, I WAS standing up for myself. Last year was terribly stressful on everybody and having to train two new people when there is someone there already trained was not only more stressful....well it was just plain stupid. Now the boss doesn't like this other woman because she is TERRIBLY HONEST and not a "yes-man" and definitely not an ass kisser. You open up the dictionary and her picture would be there next to the word "Narcissist"!!!! SERIOUSLY!! She wouldn't let me transfer because "what we SHE do?" "How would SHE start the year without me there to do it for her?" "What am I going to do?" These are just a few!

So, I am relaxing this weekend very happy that all the teachers will be back on Monday to keep me from having to scream at the boss again!! Hahaha! I am not that type of person, honestly, but this last year with this woman has put me on anti-anxiety medication. No laughing matter! But if I don't laugh.. I will cry or scream, huh?

I am not willing to have to be like this forever. What I mean is, this shouldn't be that hard. I love my job. I love the people I work with. The only thing that makes it horrible is that thing I work for! I am grateful for my job, I really am!

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Okay, so it was my first week back at work/school! (I work at a school). The kiddos don't start until Aug. 5th. Yes, we here in the south decide its best to send the kids back to school when its so freakin' hot you can fry an egg on the sidewalk. Oh well. By the grace of God, we have had severely MILD temperatures this year. I am thrilled. I am not a hot weather person. I am not a cold weather person. I am a "I really should live in San Diego where the weather is 76 year round" type of person. Well, it gets hotter in San Diego, but its nothing like the sweltering shitty humid heat we get down here "y'all"!!

The week went pretty good even though it was awkward at first. As some of you know, I tried to get transferred out there, but the boss put a stop to it, because well, if I left who would do her job? Anyway, she's been icky sweet this week. I have been just doing my job and trying not to get stressed out. Many changes coming to us this year and well, I'm praying it doesn't get to me. It was an extremely stressful year this last school year, and well with the changes being doesn't look like this upcoming year is going to be any better. Wish me luck! Knock on wood.......Say a prayer....whatever it is you may do........I can use it!

So, just needed to rant. No new progress on the fat-ass side. Its not any bigger at least. That's a start! LOL Me and my friend from work have decided when school starts back, we are dieting again. Wish me luck on that one too. I want to actually! I need to just to help me feel better.

This is my ramblings for the evening! Peace out Peeps!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Last weekend of freedom!

That's right peeps, I go back to work on Monday. I am so not looking forward to that, especially after the whole "transfer" didn't work out. But, the boss already has decided that I just didn't think things through and would never have left her. Oh hell yes I would have!!

So, another school year begins! Wooooooo - freakin - hooooo! Actually I am looking forward to getting back into the groove of things, but I do so love the sleeping in part. Will definitely miss that. Especially right now.....just splurged on a new mattress and box springs and the hubby and I spared no expense. OMG, what I have been missing! We tried several mattresses and I have always had some sort of pillow top mattress. This time, I didn't get the pillow top. This mattress we got is so amazing. I honestly didn't think I would want a "firm"'s WONDERFUL. I have had two of the best nights of sleep. The first night, because it was so different, I tossed and turned, but did NOT wake up sore and stiff the next morning.

So, I decided to get a cough, right before going back to work. Isn't that lovely. I went to the farmer's market yesterday and got lots of fresh fruit to help get me back in a better eating pattern. Love me some watermelon! OH and fresh blackberries. I love blackberries. As a little girl, my friends and I rode horses every weekend and along this fence line on some of the trails we rode on, there was a massive blackberry "patch" (?)...we could pick buckets full and never get off our horses....Plus we had on boots and that kept us from getting chiggers! Anyway, trying to eat better. I am making an effort to eat healthier stuff, but its not full fledged dieting by no means. I know I need to. My clothes are getting uncomfortable and I hate that. So, its time to get off my ass and do something. I'll never understand why I sabotage myself when it comes to dieting. Really, I think its just pure laziness.....and frustration.......and more laziness more than likely!

If you read this thing, thanks for stopping by......obviously my mind wanders a bit!! No I haven't been drinking! LOL

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I wanna go back

Here are a few pictures from the vacation at the beach. What a wonderful vacation! I want to be back there. I go back to work in a week (didn't get the transfer I put in for), and I seriously wish I was back on the beach!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The ongoing Saga.....

So, the soap opera that is my job, isn't any better today. Okay, as I said in my last post, I put in for a transfer within my system. Its a lateral move. I would just be in a better area and with a MUCH BETTER BOSS! So, today, the woman who is trying to hire me was told she MUST offer the position that I want to the educational assistants at that school before she can offer it me. They must turn it down, before she can offer it to me. Ok. Several things are wrong with this.....First of all, NONE of these people have put in for this position......Secondly, from what my future boss tells me, they don't have the qualifications...............OH, and she has to interview three other people for the position. OK.....again, I would understand this if I was putting in for a new position....or even a position that would be a promotion. I am putting in for the same position at a different school! I so don't understand this. I think its all a mind game and they have someone already in mind for the position and don't have the kahonas to go ahead and say it!

I'm frustrated. Can you tell? I never have been a drama person. I never have been a game player. I am not one who likes turmoil. There are those that do, and OBVIOUSLY they all work in management at my school system! haha! So, for me, I am supposed to go to work on the 20th and I sit here not knowing WHERE! Suck...oh I mean, Such is life! LOL

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Nothing Settled

Okay, so I put in for the transfer! Yeah me! However! Or BUT....isn't there always a but? (or BUTT)..Anyway, our powers that be, so to speak, are trying to force my new boss (positive thinking) into hiring someone without my qualifications and without a few other things I won't mention here, but basically, trying to strong arm, because she is new, to hire someone without any experience because of certain other qualifications.

I told my old boss (more positive thinking) and of course, she dealt with it just as I thought she would. She was upset because it was going to be a major inconvenience on her and how was she going to handle things and it was such a bad time for get the picture. So, I didn't feel bad after that. Yet, though she didn't say it to me, she's obviously resigned to the fact that I am leaving and is telling everyone that.

Now, I have to play the waiting game and while they try to put a strong hold on my new boss. She's a pretty tough lady. She feels like they are trying to push her because she is new to this position and they feel like they can push her because of the same thing. She's a lot tougher than they realize. She says she is going to fight for me. That does make me feel good.

So, tonight, I'm sitting here unsure of what my future holds. Its frustrating. I am such a PLANNER that things like this get me down. But, I'm trying not to let it. I have a wonderful support system! I am trying to stay positive. I mean, everyone where I worked (still positive) wants to leave but they don't have the courage to do it.......somehow, I got up the courage to do this. I just hope it all works out!

Thanks for reading...again! I realize its not much about weight loss these days....but it will be again!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Delimma? Not sure!

Well, I've been struggling with a decision lately and I need to let it out here I guess. Here's the deal: I love my job. I love most of the people I work with. My best friend works with me. I have an unbearable boss. Everyone is leaving because of her. Her the second in charge got a promotion and now has her own school. Well, we ALL joked with her when we found out "Oh please, take me with you if you get a school of your own!" of course, that would only be possible if there was a position open. Today, she called me and told me the bookkeeper position was opening up at her school and she wants me to apply. Its a lateral move. She basically has been in charge at the other school for the 2nd half of the year anyway. She trusts me to do a good job as bookkeeper and I trust her and her integrity as a boss. My current boss will try and stop the transfer. Not because she cares about me in any way, but because it will cause her some major inconvenience and she still isn't well enough to do all of her work and would rely on me heavily to do part of it. I just don't think this opportunity will come about again. I also don't like the path our school is going down as far as who she is putting in place of the ones who are leaving. She amazes me in that she rewards those who whine and snivel and won't do their work, and rides the asses of those who work those asses off on a daily basis. I just don't get it.

So, doesn't sound like much of a choice huh? I pretty much have made up my mind that I am going to put in for the transfer. I could always say no if I don't feel comfortable. But, I don't want to say no. Thing is. This all needs to come about within the next two weeks. Before I have to go back to work at the other school. That is what bothers me. I don't want to start one place then move to another. That could happen. My current boss, as I said, will throw a major fit and a major guilt trip "I don't understand, I have been so good to you" for starters. No she hasn't. Not really. She buys little tokens, but working there with her is like working in a mine field. You never know when you come in whether or not you will be able to walk right through the mine field or if you will come in and get your leg blown off! Seriously.

I just have so many friends there and I'm anxious about the change. I know I can get along at the other school, but I'm comfortable where I am, at least with the teachers and my co=workers. I love them so much. But, again, the true friends will stay true friends whether I leave or not. AT least I hope so.

So there you have it. I'm not good with confrontation and this is going to cause some major confrontation. If I don't take this opportunity, it probably won't come around again. Put in a transfer and hope everything goes smoothly and hope I will get the position or not put it in and stay where I am and be miserable? What a choice. Its the confrontation I believe is what's causing me to wonder. Guess I need to put on my big girl panties and just do it and shut up already! RIGHT?

Thanks if you've read this whole thing. Just needed to put my thoughts somewhere!

Saturday, June 27, 2009


So, diet, not going so good. I will be the first to say my heart (and stomach) are just not in it. I have good intentions everyday when I wake up, then it leaves oh around lunch time! Don't get me wrong. I am not whining. I am not saying "why oh why God can't I do this?" or anything like that. I am in control of me, or in this case not in control, but its my choice. Why am I saying this? I don't have a clue, other than to say, diet and exercise, not going so well! I really hate myself when I do this. Its eating out where I get "screwed" by myself! I don't want to have to think out the points or figure up the calories or have this on the side or this grilled instead of................(you fill in the blank). As you can tell, I'm just not in to it. Do I care? Yes, I care. I don't like being at this weight. I don't want to gain back the weight I have already lost. I don't want, I don't want, I don't want. What I need to do is kick my own ass and jump start myself. Why don't I do it. Who the hell knows!

Life is good right now for me and my family, but for some reason, I have the "blahs". Just got back from a glorious vacation to the beach. Still have three more weeks off. Hubby just bought me a new truck
So tell me.........why do I have the blahs? I haven't figured it out. If I do I will let you know.

Any suggestions? Greatly appreciated!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

It's that time.....

That's right folks............the excuses have run out and its time for me to get back on the wagon! School is through, my summer program is over, and now my vacation is over. So, it's officially time to start back doing the "D" word. Diet. I know, we should never say diet. But why not? We know what it is? Who are we, I, kidding? I have to gain some control before I gain all my weight back.

Just got home from the beach yesterday. Spent a glorious week on the shores of Orange Beach, AL. The weather was perfect. Oh, it was hot, but not the kind of hot I see this time of year in TN....the kind of hot that, if you just sit down next the water's edge, the breezes make you feel like its "cool" and the sun's rays take its toll on your skin. But, boy did it feel great. I wish I could live there. I don't make that kind of money, so I don't see that happening, however, I can go visit!

Reminder: Never invite the in-laws on your vacation. Even though it was my STUPID idea, my husband of course is the wonder child for inviting them. Whatever. Everything I despise about my husband, my father in law does multiplied by about 1000! The father in law started complaining the moment we got there and didn't stop until he left. My husband, lovely man that he is, left me three different times to go fishing with an old high school buddy. I had to entertain them. My answer to that was, "I am going to the pool/beach, if you would like to come and "sit", you are more than welcome. I was not about to entertain them. Again, this won't happen again.

I have four more glorious weeks before I go back to work to start up the next school year. Ahhhhhhh. I am going to try and utilize this time by getting my eating back under control. It is so hard getting back to it after an absence this long. But, I must! I MUST!

So, just wanted to check back in......I haven't been here in awhile!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Well, the kids are gone, but it ain' over!!

Okay, so today was the last day of school............for the kids. I still have three more weeks! Yeah me! What a hell of a day! I am worn out. I love teachers, especially the ones I work with, but OMG, they are as needy as the kids! Nuff said!

I am sitting on the veranda, sipping a mint julip, while looking out over the north 40! Okay, really! I am sitting on my back porch, drinking unsweet tea, looking out of the cow pasture that is just past my back yard! Ha! Sounds better the other way! Its a beautiful day here in the south. I am watching the birds feverishly eat all the food I set out for them and watching the herd (my dogs) play. All I can hear are the birds chirping. Its quite relaxing. A cool breeze is blowing. Not to hot here in the south yet. Just got into the 80s today. That's hotter than I like it, but I am not complaining because in a month it will be close to 100!

Just wanted to say hi to everybody! I haven't really been dieting these days, but have managed to lose another 2 lbs. I certainly won't complain about that either! At least its in the right direction!

Peace out people!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I've said it before.....and I'll say it again..........

Thank you everybody for your amazing support! I can feel down and come here and either get a wonderfully, supportive comment or go to your blogs and read some of your struggles and know I am not alone....whether that's weight issues or just "life" issues. This blog has helped in many ways! I appreciate each and every one of you who have stopped by to read and/or comment! Thank you!

Now, we had a little family get together on silly sister thought it would be a wonderful thing to take pictures.....OMG! I looked terrible. I know I have lost and have done pretty well at maintaining. I lost 44 lbs. originally and then gained back 15. I have maintained that for several months now. I guess I was just kidding myself because looking at these pictures...........................I don't look any better, AT ALL! I know, I can hear all of you now! "So, what are you going to do about it?" Obviously, I must do something! I have gone down two sizes and definitely do not want to go back up. I have enjoyed smaller sizes. So, headed back to the Weight Watchers site. Gotta get back to the basics and kick my own butt! We go to the beach in 32 days. Wouldn't it be nice to be 10 - 15 lbs. lighter? I know I can do it! It's the want to I am having a hard time with. Tomorrow is a new day and I really want tomorrow to be different! I just have to quit sabotaging myself! That's my hardest part. I get tired and lazy and unmotivated and let it all go! Why do I do that? My youngest son goes up and down with his weight ---- we are talking 10-20 lbs. He is 6'3" and 220 at the moment. However, he has the same food addiction I do. That is something I truly didn't want to hand down to my child/children. He asked me the other day "Mom, why do I quit eating healthy when I know how wonderful I feel when I am eating right?" My answer? I didn't have one! WHY? Because I do the very same thing to myself. So, he is going to try this with me! He is so athletic and can get right up and start a workout routine with no trouble. Me, no, I can't do that! I am proud of his physical drive. I need to take some of that from him!

So, there's my rant for the day! Tomorrow is a new day! Wish me luck!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Blah, blah, blah

Just putting down my thoughts today. This past week was a little better, however, I didn't manage to accomplish much of the work I needed to accomplish, whether that's at school or at home. I need to work late every day this week and next. Not making me too driven to go to work these next two weeks.

My mom is doing better. She is staying by herself with me running up to her house every evening to make sure she eats. She is being a little stubborn on that end. She lives about 35 minutes away, so its truly not a fun thing to do every single day. She is able to do most things by herself at her house. She's being a little stubborn and well I feel guilty because I really don't have the patience for a 74 year old woman having to be treated like she's a toddler! I love her though and will endure!

My ankles are still swelling so the doctor upped my medication. We will see how that works. Most of my other problems have pretty much been resolved. Just the swelling ankles now.

I haven't been eating well, obviously, but my weight is not going up, so that's a good thing. I am still trying to be mindful of what I am eating and drinking. I have not been home long enough to cook like I should, but hopefully that's going to change. I need a cook! And a maid! Then maybe I could stay on track! I doubt it! LOL


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A little update

My mom is doing a little better. Will not have to have surgery after all. That's a big relief. She still can't do things by herself so still having to take care of her. My sister did come and help yesterday and today. Too bad she doesn't live closer! Mom is back at my house tonight and I am not sure when she will be able to do things for herself. I think she's milking this for all its worth! LOL

Work is hell. Thanks Estella for the support. You definitely know what I am going through. Now besides having TCAP at this time of year (just finished), field days, field trips, budgets, textbook inventories, school inventory, and impending audit, I guess the boss-lady felt I didn't do enough and I have to go to training to do our website. We are losing our computer teacher/technician and she said I was the next person in line re: computer knowledge, etc. I am grateful she sees it that way, however, I didn't need yet another thing added......Okay, now that I have bitched, I can just get over it, cuz I am gonna have to do it......!

Thanks for the kind words everybody~

Sunday, May 3, 2009

And the hits just keep on coming!

Okay, so I'm here to vent, so if you are looking for an upbeat, OP, diet goddess type of post, better move on. OP - don't even know what that means these days. Obviously I am not committed, but need to be committed (literally) --- Going crazy here!

So, the sunburn is much better. That's a plus. I am peeling and look like I have a skin disease, but it doesn't hurt.

Like I said, I haven't been eating well and know I need to. Tired of fast food and eating out and need to eat at home. So, this leads me to the week I have been having. The sunburn did get infected on my feet and had to go to the doctor for some cream. Its better. Then, my mother fell on Wednesday about 11:00 in the morning. She fell in her front yard and couldn't get up. Luckily after sitting on the ground in her front yard, her neighbor came out to check his mail. She luckily yelled to him and he came and helped her up. So, she calls me after I get off work that afternoon to tell me that she had fallen, but just bruised her arm up a bit but that she was fine. She lives about 30 minutes from me, out in the country. So, after a 20 minute conversation of me saying I would rush right up there, she convinced me she was fine, so I didn't go. I should have. She is stubborn and I know that. So, Thursday morning at about 5:00 a.m. my mother calls me and says she is hurting very badly and that she cannot get herself off the couch. (She has been getting weaker over the last year or so and getting up out of chairs, etc. has become hard for her). So, I rushed up there and got her up only to see that her right wrist/arm was severely bruised, and I knew looking at it that it must be broken. So, I got her up and brought her back to my house, called her doctor and luckily got her in to see him by that afternoon. He walked right in and said, I don't even have to x-ray it, its broken! (He did x-ray it and it was broken in two places with a chipped bone as well). So, this is my mother's right hand/arm and she is right handed. About 27 years ago she fell and broke her elbow on her left arm and her elbow joint had to be fused so her arm doesn't stretch all the way out, so this makes life for her very difficult. Her left arm doesn't half work and her right one is out of commission. Its been like having an infant in the house again! Its not fun for either of us. Its hard to see her getting older. She's my mom. She's always been invincible. I love her dearly and knowing that she's getting older and not doing well hasn't been easy to swallow these days. I spent the weekend with her at her house so she could actually get some rest in her own bed. Now we are back at my house because I have to work tomorrow. She goes to the orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday. One of my sisters is coming down from Nashville tomorrow to help Monday night and then help take her to the doctor on Tuesday.

So, that's been my week. Oh and that of course doesn't even include work. The lazy keep getting lazier, the kids are hanging from the rafters, the teachers are all bleery-eyed and ready for this all to be over, and me, well, as everyone else prepares to wind down the school years, mine picks up for the next few weeks. So, stress at home and stress at work. Makes for one bitchy woman......That's me!

On the upside, my husband and son that still lives at home have been so wonderful with me and my mom since she fell. The hubby came up to Mom's house and lifted her couch up so she could get up and down by herself. The son came up and helped clean the house. Though I did most of the cleaning at her house, he was helpful and he is a very caring soul for one so young!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I think I had too much fun!!

Okay, so the DH and I went fishing yesterday. It was a beautiful day, clear blue skies and temps in mid-80s. What a beautiful day!

We started catching fish right away. Well, let me rephrase. I started catching fish right away! I am not a big fishing person, I just go with my husband. I like it ok. I always catch when I go. I have no problem baiting my own hook or taking the fish off the hook. None of that bothers me. I was a tomboy growing up, that was nuttin! So, I started catching fish right away and the DH mostly watched! LOL He was using a lure while I was using crickets. Obviously, the fish were in to the crickets. Anyway, the hubby did start catching. We caught lots of fish and had a beautiful time!

BUT (isn't there always a but?), though I put on sunscreen, I got SOOOOO sunburned! I am such a lobster today. Especially the tops of my knees, tops of my feet, and my arms. I, obviously, didn't put on sunscreen often enough! I am not enjoying my day today, except maybe for totally laughing at myself! What a goofball! I just got carried away with the fishing, I didn't feel it I guess!

So, just thought I would stop by here and give you the tip of the day ----- SUNSCREEN PEOPLE AND LOTS OF IT!! lol

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Yes, now I can sit back and relax and say AWWHHHHH! Testing HELL is over and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I TRULY dislike this time of year! But, that hell is over and I can relax for a week or two!

IT feels good! It really does! I am feeling pretty good and this just helps with that!

Just wanted to drop a quick line and rejoice with everyone that I have been SPRUNG!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Let the Sun Shine, Let the sun shine in....

As you can probably tell, the sun is shining and I love it. Got up to the lower 70s today. It feels AWESOME!! It is so amazing what the sun shine does to your mood. I feel great today. Other people are happy. Its just makes for a great day.

Just have to box up all this testing stuff and get to turn it back in this Wednesday. WOOHOO. I am taking Thursday and Friday off because DAMMIT, I DESERVE IT! The hubby is taking me fishing Thursday. He likes it more than I do, of course, but I do enjoy getting outside and if DH would leave the boat in one place for more than a minute, I might actually catch something!! But, it is supposed to be sunny and almost in the 80s Thursday so I am looking forward to being out there catching some rays and occasionally a fish!!

The DH sent me flowers at work today. Didn't have a fight! We've had, what's the deal? Too funny! He's being very thoughtful knowing my work life is hell right now. It makes me love him all the more!

Gonna go chill before having to cook dinner! Peace out!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Happy Friday

Wow, I thought this Friday would never get here. The testing is in progress. Well, basically its almost over. Only have to test those students who were absent. I am so ready to have this testing over. Then, I get to gear down to my audit. This is such a busy time of year. At least the time if flying by and it will be summer vacation before I know it.

I am feeling better. Went to the doc last week and started some different medication. Its helped somewhat. I think I have been too busy to think about it and boy does that help. Still having some breathing problems, but nothing like they were.

I am a good kind of tired tonight. Relaxing and enjoying being away from the drama of work.

Well, just wanted to check in. I haven't weighed in yet this week, so don't know how I am doing in that respect. But, that's ok, I'm not worried about it!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

No news is good news

Well, went to the doctor on Friday. MY GP whom I haven't seen in quite awhile. Have been just dealing with the gyno, who decided I needed to see another doctor to check out my heart. He had his nurse do an EKG and put a holter monitor on me. I turned in the holter monitor on March 20th. Well, I still haven't heard from the doctor. So, I called three damned times to see what was going on. So, decided to go back to my GP that I hadn't seen in awhile (insurances changes, etc. took me away from him). So, I got frustrated and made an appt. He listened (which I haven't been experiencing) to my symptoms, did blood work, did a chest x-ray, kidney function test, tested for congestive heart failure, etc. All of the tests were negative. He changed my BP medicine and put me on a stronger diuretic to help with the edema. Put me on some allergy meds, cuz the sinuses are driving me crazy, and started me on something for the anxiety. We will see how that goes. I am feeling ok today. Still having breathing problems. Though we don't know why I am doing this, at least we ruled out blood clots and heart problems. I at least had a doctor sit and explain things to me and not make me feel like I was stupid. It makes me feel better in that respect.

We worked out in the yard all day today. It was nice to have the sun on my face! I truly enjoyed it. I sure am glad daylight savings time is here, I was beginning to feel like a mushroom (in the dark all the time). Had lots of energy today too, so that made me feel good!

I was off Friday so having an extra day off has made me happy as well! Counting down the days to the beach though. I know, I am counting my life away, huh? Naw, just gives me something to look forward to!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Testing Hell!

So, our achievement tests begin next week for our little kiddos at work. I, of course, am the testing coordinator and am so overwhelmed at the moment. I told my sister that I have so much going on in my head that I feel like Cybil, all the multiple personalities in tow! Help! My principal is out sick and probably will be for, who knows, a year. She came in today (starts chemo tomorrow) to get some things done, which dropped a lot things on my desk. Yippie.

As you can probably tell, I'm not good with stress. I don't strive on it. I do NOT handle it well. I don't want to handle it. Every year I go through this. Every year I hate it. It just seems this year its even harder. I don't know if its due to the principal being out, due to my "blah" state of mind and healthy, or just really, really tired of all of this. Who knows. Like I said, I guess its just that I hate this time of year. I am always excited when the school year starts, but by this time of year, the teachers are cranky, the kids are bouncing off the walls and basically obnoxious, and everybody's nerves are on end. So, coming back after Christmas, its been hard for me to get back in the groove. Damn, I lost my groove. Can I get it back? Maybe not like Stella, but I know I need to do something. The beach vacation cannot come soon enough. That I don't stress about. I go and have fun and wear a bathing suit and say to hell with everyone else, I am having a good time, dammit! This year I am 35 lbs. lighter, so that's an even bigger plus.

Oh, I should've started with this, but when the stress gets so heavy, I forget. How could I forget? I lost 3 lbs. this week. WOO --- FREAKIN --- HOO! With the legs swelling everyday, who'd a thunk it?

So, now that Manic Monday is slowly slipping away, maybe I can turn Terrible Tuesday into Terrific Tuesday!! I have to keep an optimistic attitude.............or the natives will take over and then where will I be? OH, and FYI! Obnoxious children, a piece of cake compared to over-worked, completely stressed, under-paid teachers! I love them all, I really do!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Are you one of these?

Okay, just wondering how many people out there work in a situation where those who are covered up with work are the ones getting more and more and more responsibility and those who sit, and sit, and sit, and SHOVE 20 minutes worth of work into a 7 hour day get by with doing nothing? Then, its the fat people who are considered lazy. PLEASE!

My sister(who is also my closest friend) and I were talking about this last night. She is in a similar situation. Our mother worked her tail off to raise three daughters, the majority of the time by herself. We were taught a work ethic and inherited the neurotic gene from her when it comes to work. I don't know how to tell people no when they ask things of me, but BUT, I am really beginning to learn. However, the boss is the one pushing all the work on me. Some of it I should not be doing. Stuff we could both get in trouble for if it were found out. Now, granted, the woman is very sick right now, however, I have had this worked shoved on me for years. Sure I have written about this before. It's just getting to me. This the worst time of year.

On the upside, even though I had to dip into my weeklys already, but, am still on program. The ankle swelling is worse today, but am drinking tons of water to help with that. All is well on the food side of things. All is well on the work side of things, I just get overwhelmed and when I see others sitting doing nothing and then griping and complaining when they are asked to move, it really pisses me off!

Thanks for stopping by!!

Monday, March 30, 2009

First Day Back

Okay, so its my first day back at work after the spring break. Man was it hard to get out of bed this morning. A week of waking up when I wanted to, now I'm spoiled. It is also my first day back doing WW. I am doing it myself, not going to the meetings, so I will see how I do. Honestly, I could make excuses why I am not going to the meetings, like "My schedule is to hectic this time of year", and it is, or, "It's on the other side of town (nowhere near close) and its too costly to do that", or "I don't like the meetings (which I really don't) and its not helping me (which it was)." But, honestly, HONESTLY??? It's too much of a damned chore! I got to where I hated going. So, trying it myself, on my own. We will see how that works!

So my first day went well. Packed my lunch last night so I had no excuse. Made myself eat breakfast (I hate breakfast, but know that it helps me in my weight loss). Got up earlier so I didn't have the running out of time excuse handy for not eating breakfast or not preparing my lunch. It's truly hard. I am taking it one day at a time. I am honest enough, as well, to say I have no clue if this will last another day, another week, another month, or another year. I do know that I will never, NEVER quit trying. I can't.

So, here I go again. Wish me luck! I need it! I'm feeling a bit better this week and working through health issues. The fatigue gets severe sometimes, but I work through that as well. That's when I do AWFUL on my diet. But, again, I can't give up.

Thanks as always for commenting and/or reading my blog. Your support means the world to me!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Back to the real world!

Back from the mountains! Rested, relaxed, de-stressed! We had a wonderful time! I am so happy we went. I like the last minute things that tend to work out. You seem to appreciate them so much more! Even though, when it comes to vacation, I am one of those who loves to know, the to-do lists, and the shopping lists, and the saving for this vacation list! LOL....We are having a family vacation at the beach this summer and I already have my spreadsheet done up and am planning down to the last toothbrush and pair of socks! I am a little neurotic that way. I am a list person! But, it was nice to be a little spontaneous, even though I did plan this, but not so much. We had no plans to do anything for spring break......then the hubby and I talked about it....we wanted to go somewhere close. There is nowhere close! So, I finally just booked a room for two nights for just me and him and the heart shaped jacuzzi! It was wonderful. No computers, no phones, no kids, no work! Just me and the hubster! We really needed that!

We did tons of walking which felt great by the way. I felt no stress and am fairly sure my problems are all related to stress. I had a few heart flutter sensations while I was there, but nothing that I had been feeling. No where near. We were on the 3rd floor and every time we went out or to the car or whatever, we took the stairs. The wonderful part???? I didn't get winded AT ALL and we raced up the stairs one time and it felt great.

It's a wonder what getting out of town away from everyone and everything can do for your spirits, as well as the sex and the heart shaped jacuzzi! It did wonders for our spirits as well! Speaking of spirits, we stopped by a little winery before we got to the hotel, had a little tasting session, it was great! Bought three bottles of wine! Now, I'm not much on wine or drinking for that matter, but we did finish those three bottles off and stopped back by on our way home to get some more! I'm more of a rum, jack daniels kinda girl (WHEN/IF I DRINK), so normally, I just don't drink. This was nice and relaxing though and we both enjoyed it!

So, to all of you who are stressed with work, with life, with your health or your diet, I highly recommend taking a TIME OUT and working on yourself (or each other if you are married LOL) and be kind to yourself. You are worth it!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Great week

So, its spring break for me ( you know that already if you the last post). I am enjoying so far. The hubby and I have decided to run off to Gatlinburg for a few days to relax, be alone without the 20-year-old, and get out of town and just rest. Its only gonna be for two days, but I am so excited about it already. I need it. Stress levels are way up and I need to do something to bring them down!

The health issues are still with me. No one can figure this out. So, on my own I have stopped my hormone. Its only making things worse. I feel better after being off of it for two days. Its not helping the breathing problem, but I feel better. Doctor's ordered a bunch of heart tests, but I don't think its that either. I realize I am no doctor, I don't claim to be, but sometimes you know yourself better than anyone else does. So, I am just dealing with it and not letting it get me down and going on with my life. If things get worse, I will make an appt. with my GP, because I just don't think the gyno knows whats going on and I get the feeling he's not really wanting to deal with it. Don't get me wrong, he's a good doctor, I just feel like he doesn't know what's going on and it frustrates him, so I will deal with it some other way.

But, I am feeling better, that's the good part. Being more active. Eating better. By no means dieting, but I am keeping on eye on my weight, definitely not letting it go back up. I realize this is something I will always deal with and that's ok with me. So, doing the baby steps. Realizing all the while that I am going to have to take bigger steps if I want to start seeing any kind of result. Never give up. That's what I always say and that's what I doing every day!

It's a beautiful spring day here with temps going up to 70 today! Loving every minute of it before the rains starts, but hey, nothing wrong with spring rain either!

Friday, March 20, 2009


I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am the spring break has begun for me! The hubby and I have no plans, we are just going to wing it. If we wake up and want to go somewhere, then we are going to go! I'm not going to spend my spring break cleaning out closets or re-arranging the house. I am relaxing.

This time of year is hectic and we all needed the break. The last few days, the kids are bouncing off the walls. Their behavior, TERRIBLE, but each teacher, or aide, or office personnel, or cafeteria worker, you name it, they didn't care. We knew that we were on the "down-hill slide" to spring break. The giddiness in the air was so wonderful be around. The only other time it is better, Christmas Break and the end of the school year. We all work so hard and at times go days without seeing people at the other end of the building, so this break is well-deserved school wide.

I'm planning on working on the exercise a lot more this week. It truly helps me and I know this. I just find it to be such a chore. I guess I need to slap myself out of it and get one with it.

Well, just wanted to share my "giddiness" (if that's a word) with all of you! WOOHOO

Monday, March 16, 2009

Monday, Monday!

Well, don't we all just loathe Mondays? Well I do. Especially this one. I have a major stomach virus going on. It hit me last night around 7 p.m. and kept me up all night. You know, one of those viruses that you plead with God just to let you throw up cuz you know you would feel better, yet its the other end that's the problem. I know, I know, TMI!

I go to the doctor tomorrow to review my month on hormone therapy. I have very mixed reviews and will be telling him as much. I'm ready to just toss the whole thing and forget it. But, actually, I am doing better on it rather than off.....somewhat....I think.....maybe! LOL Whatever, right?

I have spring fever like you can't imagine. I am so over this cold weather. It is supposed to be in the 70s by the end of the week. It can't come soon enough for me. Spring break for school is next week and I am so looking forward to that. We have no plans, which is just fine with me. There is a ton of things I can do at home or I can just sit on my back porch and chill. Whatever, right? LOL

I'm trying to get back on my WW points today and writing here is keeping me out of the kitchen!! Its a start! One day at a on and so forth.

So, my weekend was so totally uneventful! I guess those are good days. Took my mother shopping on Saturday. She'd been taking care of an old aunt of hers and needed some time out. I can understand that. Sunday was a good family day with steaks on the grill and everything.....then I got sick last night. But, that didn't ruin my weekend. I've told me children many times as they were sitting around the house yelling "I'm bored, I'm bored" that boredom is truly a luxury. I enjoy it! My oldest, who is getting his master's right now, has now come back and said to me, "Mom, you were right, boredom is a luxury!" Wow. My son admitted that I was right! I wrote it down on the calendar!!

So, here starts another week.............what does it have in store for me? What does it have in store for you?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Thanks Peeps!

Just wanted to say thanks for the support! I really felt it! I am feeling a little better today. I just have to expect that I will be high one day and low the next. Now, if I could only get a handle on the stress!

I posted to a fellow blogger who was concerned about "depression" and just wanted to say, I don't think any of this is depression. First of all I am on an anti-depressant and these doesn't feel like that. Its frustration really. Or frustration with a little anxiety mixed in and a whole of being impatient. But, I am working through it. I am really more positive than negative its just when I get negative I write!

Again, thanks for the cheering section! It really helped my mood!! You all rock!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Highs and Lows

So, it seems that you all have seen my posts going from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows and I will be the first to say, its a roller coaster ride I would like to jump off of! This past weekend was beautiful and peaceful and I want it back!!!

Work sucks! Just that! It sucks. Two days in to the work week and I'm tired, annoyed, pissed, bitchy............certainly you get the point! What was I thinking getting this surgery during the school year? What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking it would help. Did it? Yes, it helped. I'm no longer anemic and in severe pain (worse than labor) every month for two weeks at a time. These things I certainly don't miss. I had no energy before and guess what? I had energy for about a minute since the surgery! LOL I have a sense of humor, if I didn't I couldn't still be here!

So, here I am again, dragging my ass already and its only Tuesday. Back to walking everyday, even though its only a little bit, its something. My eating is better, not "BEST" but better! This new hormone they have put me on is making me retain water. What fun! I think I have had about 80 ounces of water today. You would think I would be running to the bathroom.....not the case. So, it seems like this is going to be a "hit or miss" situation on getting me regulated. I am ready to go off the hormones all together, but the way I was feeling before, not sure if I can function so, of course, will discuss this with the doctor. I feel like I'm becoming a broken record. I cannot tell you how much I try to get away from thinking about this, get away from feeling it, speaking it, but it seems to keep slapping me in the face and making me pay attention.

I am one of these women who after my surgery I was superwoman and everything was great (and it was, it is). Never admit there is anything wrong. This was my miracle cure. You've had your surgery, you are fine, move on. Do you know how much I want to be that person. I had four glorious days out of this past week feeling like a human again. Feeling like I might be on the mend. Stress took that from me. She's a bitch, stress is. I started walking more to try and defeat her, but she's stronger than I am and I am in a wrestling match with her right now. Wish me luck and cheer me on so I can whip the bitch at her own game!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

An Escape From Everyday Life

Yesterday, the hubby and I packed up our four-wheeler and headed out to the family farm about two hours away. What a beautiful day. The temperature was about 75 degrees. A far cry from a foot of snow last weekend, huh? Actually its my sister's husband's family that has the land, but they share it with all of us. They have about 175 acres or so. They have rolling hills with a stream running through it. Depending upon the water levels, this can be a small stream or a rolling river. The hubby and I rode through the stream and up the rolling hills to the very top. What a beautiful view. I wish I had brought my camera so I could've shared this view with all of you. Maybe next time.

We needed to get away, that's for sure. We both had endured a majorly hectic work week and were stressed to the max. We spent the entire day riding through the hills and talking with the old folks at the farm. I live in the city (now) but am a country girl at heart. Maybe some day we will retire out that way. I want pastures full of horses and a stream to sit beside and just chill. I cannot imagine anyone going out there and listening to the wind rustle through the trees or the stream running over the rock and not believing in God. It's truly a spiritual place to be. We truly had the time of our lives and want to do this again very soon.

By the time we got home, we were both worn out and I slept better last night than I have in months and months.

I wish this kind of relaxed feeling for all of you!

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Yes, work is quite hectic right now.......! (Understatement) Work is absolutely crazy. The boss is out for several weeks due to breast cancer and now her third surgery in as many weeks. So, her job has trickled down to her Asst. and her job has trickled down to me and my brain being as fuzzy as it is - well its just not handling it. Thank God for post-its. They are my saving grace. You walk in to my office and you would think a post-it factory exploded in there! Now, I have to leave myself a post-it to buy more post-its!

So, Monday I was feeling better. It was quite nice, actually. Then Tuesday hit. The heart racing and heart palpitations hit an all time high and I freaked out. I called the doctor's office (gyn) and he thinks its from the hormones I was on. So, he changed it. The sucky part is, the hormone I was on had a co-pay of $5.00. This new hormone, a co-pay of $50.00. Now in this day and time, I am grateful I have a job and grateful I have insurance, so I'm not bitching, well not too much. BUT, since stopping the other hormone and starting this new one, the heart palpitations and heart racing is almost completely gone. Its giving me a headache, but believe me, that is nothing compared to what I was feeling! I can actually say that I feel great today! How long has it been since I have been able to say that? A LONG TIME~ I ran around crazy at work, and last week I couldn't have done it cuz of the crazy feelings I'd been having. Today, no problems. It makes me happy!

Don't take for granted feeling great, cuz there's no telling when it gets swept out from underneath you! I drank a ton of water today. Good for me! I had extra walking at school today because we had a program, I had to go to the basement three different times to help the Asst. Principal with an excel spreadsheet (which is 2.5 flights of stairs), and the bathroom in the office is under repair, so we all have to go to the end of the school to use the restroom. Instead of being upset about it, I welcome the extra steps!

So, just wanted to share some upbeat feelings and good news with all of you! Thanks for all the comments. (By the way, the foot of snow we received on Saturday night/Sunday morning is all gone and its 70 degrees here now)

Monday, March 2, 2009

It's Melting, it's Melting~

So, the snow is melting at a nice pace. Schools were closed today, of course, but think the temperatures and the sun beating down on us will clear the streets. Of course, if it didn't I wouldn't mind, I could use another day off! I love it. Its going to take another day or so for the houses and yards to "melt off", but considering it will be 75 degrees here on Saturday, at least this stuff is short lived. I do like the snow, but only if it closes schools (which it did), haha!

Well, with this snow and sub-freezing temperatures, its killed off all the things that were blooming just two days ago. I think this is what was giving me the breathing problem. When the temps took a dive and the snow started falling, the chest pressure eased up and the breathing got easier. Yeah, thinking is allergies. We shall see. I finished my antibiotic yesterday so that will tell as well.

Going to get back eating healthier foods this week. These are my goals:
Eat more fruit
Eat more veggies
Drink more water

I think these three goals are MORE than attainable and not restrictive that it turns me away from eating right. I will say, though, that I will be glad when the "crapberry" (I mean Cadbury) eggs are off the shelves. They are a weakness and I haven't been strong enough to resist. Yep, I'm human and those little babies get me craving!~

It feels good to post something on a more positive note (other than the crapberry eggs - LOL). Now I am going to ease back into the exercise too. When this bronchitis (not convinced it was bronchitis) hit, it halted me in my tracks and just walking from the car into school or into home everyday was a chore.....So, I am going to use my this energy increase wisely and not start out running myself ragged again!

Here's to feeling good! (Glasses clink = CHEERS ;)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Walking In A Winter Wonderland

So, here are a few pictures of what happened here in "Southtown USA". We got almost a foot of snow (11 inches to be exact). While I love this stuff and its pretty, it sure causes chaos amongst southerners! The DH had to go in to work this morning. Took us forever to get him out of the driveway (an hour). We don't do snow tires or chains here. We don't have snow plows or the like. We have flurries usually. Occasionally an inch or two of snow. Not like this for sure! It is pretty and I love watching it from the comfort of my chair, especially since I was out in it for an hour already.

So, my car won't be moving today! A day stuck at the house. Which I am going to thoroughly enjoy!~

My 20 yr. old son is out on the 4-wheeler and my dogs are having the time of their lives! Fun for a day or two. It will be gone by tomorrow!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Trying, really I am!

Okay, so no happy news here. Its been a crappy week. Still feeling crappy. Work is crazy. I haven't wanted food until today! I have lived off minute rice and chicken soup the past week it seems. Just not in a food kind of way. I weighed and was down 4 lbs.......that was two days ago, now I'm up two. I'm not worried, nor am I going to obsess over it. I am going to be doing this for a lifetime, so slow and easy is my pace. Exercise is the problem right now. Still having a problem with my breathing. Still don't think its bronchitis. Giving the antibiotics and steroids a chance to work, but if its still going on, I guess I will go and throw some more money down the toilet and go back to the doctor. I did have more energy today, but I had no choice because as I said earlier, work was crazy. This time of year in a school system....its not fun. Its crazy-ass insane and wearing me down!

Okay, I feel better. I am trying. Though this post doesn't show it, I am in a bit better mood and trying to "be positive". You know, when my friends and family ask me how I am and I still say I am not any better, it gets old, so I just quit saying it. But, I am trying to tell myself that, just to get through the day. By the time I get home though, I crash. I don't mean I am a little tired either. I mean, I CRASH! From what my doctor and my friends and family who have been through a hysterectomy have told me, these crashes are normal for some people. But, why the hell couldn't I be abnormal in this situation? I am usually abnormal!! LOL I guess if I hadn't had some very positive, energetic, exciting weeks where I felt wonderful, I wouldn't know how it could feel. I want those days, weeks back. I had energy, was exercising, happy go lucky. But, I am trying. Painting on my happy face and doing my best! LOL

The hubby is back from his week long trip and I am glad. I am just not myself without him around! Awwwhhh! But, I have to cook when he is home too. Don't like that!! Since I have been so tired, it was soup or rice and I was in the bed. He wants home cooked food after being gone over a week and eating out every day. What a bummer!

So here is my weekly rant! Catch you later!!!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Quick Note

Still feeling like shit! Doc thinking something bronchial/upper respiratory but the only symptoms I have are feeling like I can't breathe and low grade fever. Did a bunch of tests and that's all he comes up with. Oh, the other symptom, my friend fatigue!

Thanks for the wonderful support you have all given me. I am still reading your blogs and commenting every now and then! I'm just "down" not "out"!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

In a cloud

I feel like I am walking around in a cloud. I'm still not doing well. The diet, well what diet at this point. The exercise is almost "nil". I'm feeling like crap. My head is on a fog.

One of the principals in our school system dropped dead with a heart attack on Thursday at school. He was one of my son's middle school principal. Didn't know him well, but he had a daughter in the school where I worked, so saw him a lot. Just really brings you down. Then yesterday morning, my principal, my boss went in for a lumpectomy. When the doctor got in there he found cancer. It was like a punch to the stomach for all of us. I have my problems with her, but I am a compassionate person and well, it just gets you thinking about how fragile life is. Yes, this should make me want to be attacking the diet and exercise right now, but it doesn't. It hasn't made me run for food either. Just basically numb.

I am still having problems with my health as well and its frustrating the hell out of me. I guess another call to the doctor is in order. I have felt like I have been getting bronchitis for three weeks now, but all I have is the wheeze and chest pressure. Doctor checked it out over a week ago but said it was nothing. I don't think its nothing. Its really bothering me!

Okay, done whining. Just needed a place to put it! Thanks everybody!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

This and That

Just thought I would write a bit. Not any specific topic. I did better diet wise today, that is until I got home. I don't do well when I am stressed and exhausted. I will try to do better tomorrow. My friend and I did walk today after school. It felt good, but I could only last 15 minutes. I didn't have any breathing problems while walking. They didn't start until I got home and started relaxing. Go figure. Maybe I have decided to become allergic to my dogs. That would be a tragedy as I love them very much!! But, I had this feeling last week while at work, so I am not thinking its my dogs. Who the hell knows.

I felt a little bit better today. Still a "blah" type feeling, but a little better. Not quite as exhausted. If being totally exhausted was a 10, that's how I have been feeling - a big fat 10! I always wanted to be a 10. Anyway, I would say maybe its down to a 9 or an 8.5. I didn't want to bash any heads today at work, so I think that is an AMAZING "kudo" for me! Tomorrow is another day! I work at a school, with all women, and well, I will be nice and just say "THERE IS A LOT OF DRAMA - ALL THE DAMNED TIME!" I am so not a drama person, as I have said before.

We are gearing towards TCAP testing (achievement testing for the state of TN) and well, because I have the most computer skills of everyone in the building (except the computer teacher), I get picked to do all of the prep work, getting all the info into the state via the computer, etc. Its not that I mind, I just don't look forward to this time of year. Everyone is crazy and then when its over, I only have a few weeks to wind down to my audit. That's NEVER FUN! I think I would rather have root canal!

Okay, where there is my mindless babbling for the day. I am hoping to do better tomorrow eating wise. I would also like this exhaustion to ease up. I am not asking for much, just maybe to an 8 or 7.5...I'm not greedy!


Sunday, February 15, 2009

Bloggers are great!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your support. I have been having a hard time the last few weeks and your kind words definitely have helped.

I am doing crappy diet wise and only have myself to blame. Its so easy, when you are feeling bad, to slip back into those crappy eating habits. I allowed myself to be hypnotized by all kinds of crappy food these last two weeks. The energy levels made it to where I barely made it home in the evening, so cooking a great, healthy meal was a struggle and I gave in! Then of course, the beating myself up about it hasn't made things better either!!

I went to my doctor's appt. on Friday. Did a lot of blood tests, but haven't got the results. From my symptoms, he thinks its low estrogen. In the mean time has started me on a very low dose of estrogen to see if we can't get things started. He doesn't seem to think I will need it long term, which I am grateful for. He gave me something different to help me sleep. I was very concerned I might get addicted to sleeping pills, but this new medicine gave me such a headache! I have been doing good with the sleeping pills though. Only take them when I can't fall asleep after 2 or 3 hours. I am so not one to reach for something right away. I HATE, HATE, HATE pills, so all of this really bugs me. I am grateful the doc was comforting and sweet. Unfortunately, I have had way too many encounters with doctors who blow you off, try to dope you up, and send you on your way. I told him I am not one to want "a miracle cure" for my problems. If that had been the case, I would've had this stupid hysterectomy ten years ago! I try EVERYTHING else first. Sometimes, it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time I spend way too much time suffering when I could've just gotten it over with! But, that's how I roll. The estrogen could take up to 3=4 weeks to see if a difference and that's only if the dosage is enough. So, we will see. I have taken two pills already, shouldn't I be cured!???? LOL The fatigue is the worst feeling. I also think I may be getting bronchitis. Who knows. If its not one things its another with me! But, I have a positive attitude and plan on overhauling my eating AGAIN. These last two weeks will take some work to erase, but I can do it!

The hubby is going out of town for a little over a week, so maybe I can get my eating back on track. Its easier when its just me. I have already told my son he can fend for himself this week, that I will be too tired to fix him something and me something. He's usually good about that. After all, he is 20 and well, he's too old to baby!

Thank you again to all of you for your support. I realize coming to blogs and reading the happy, upbeat, encouraging stories are a whole lot easier to deal with and help you in your own struggles. Thanks for taking the time to read mine!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Energy Crisis!!

Yep, that's right.......with all this global warming, all the "green" going on out there, and yet, I am having my very own energy crisis.......

No, its not a shortage in electricity and no I haven't had my lights turned off at the house. Its just me. My body. I am running on empty (running on -- oops an old Eagles song). I have hit yet another exhaustion wall that I thought would've left by this point in the game. I was in such pain this weekend that I took my leftover pain medication from the surgery. Guess I am glad I didn't need it much after the surgery. I don't know what's going on. Yes, I know you need to go to the doctor....Well, I have an appointment for Friday. I have a laundry list of things to tell him. I just have always been the type when I am in the doctor's office, 1) I forget everything I want to I take a list....forget to get the list out, then 2) I am so intimidated by doctors that I just take what he is saying and go on. So, I always get frustrated with myself and with the doctor. So, I do have my list. I think I am going to hand it to him Friday and say, "Here is my list, I don't communicate well, so read it and tell me what you think!"

This exhaustion feels like when I was just out of the hospital or back when they were threatening blood transfusions because of severe anemia. So, he is going to have to run a test or two. Do I really want this? NO! I would rather my extra money not go to the doctors, labs, insurance companies. Who wants that? No one! I am still paying off the hysterectomy. Who'd a thought, hysterectomies on the lay-a-way plan! Sorry, have to laugh!!

I am trying to do good diet wise, because first of all it does make me feel better. Its not always working that way because I am too damned tired to think about food, let alone fix it.

So, for your praying types out there, send me a little prayer that we can figure this out, or I will get over it....for anybody else, just some well-wishes would be nice! I am at the end of my rope, tied a knot in it, and about to free-fall into ............................................

Friday, February 6, 2009


Okay, so I have been working on my positives and negatives and decided just to write them down:

Positives this week:

1) Today is Friday and its my favorite time of the week!
2) The weather was ABSOLUTELY beautiful today, in the 60s!!!
3) I made it through a horrendous day without trying to choke not one person!
(major positive considering the day I had!)
4) My son took me to Longhorn for dinner and I ate very healthy!
5) My husband called me three times today just to see how I was feeling...
Awh, how sweet! (It really is)
6) Paid all the bills this week and still have enough for a bologna sandwich!
(kind of joke with my sister -- she says she's going to win the lottery,
pay off all her debt, and then have enough left for a bologna sandwich!!)
7) I see one of my sons everyday as he is still living at home and I have talked
to my other son almost everyday this week. They are my sunshine!
8) Dear Hubby seems to be getting over his latest "men"opause spell!

Some Negatives this week:

1) Still dealing with UTI and its making me feel like Sh#$!!
2) Feeling more pain now than I did right after surgery!
3) Wanted to choke several parents today (but see above, I didn't!)
4) Tired that the biggest part of my life right now is still getting over
this surgery and its pesky little complications!
5) Have not been OP very well since Sunday and am having some bloating issues due partly to medication and bladder/kidney problems. No excuses though!

Well, as you can see, my negatives are relatively minor. I guess that means my life is pretty good. Oh, there is lots of stuff I could bitch about and believe you me, it would go on and on and on....but I am grateful that my negatives are minor.

So, this next week, I have got to get back on the program, and even if I am still hurting, gotta do some light walking or something. Mostly, though, its about the food. I have got to do better. I have got to cook. I know I have had a terrible week and no excuses....just haven't had the energy or desire to care! Truth and nuttin but the truth!

See ya!

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