Thursday, April 24, 2008

NSV of sorts

Well, I've had a NSV of sorts. Yesterday, my boss from hell came back after being on a short little vacation that she basically stole from the company. She doesn't put in her time and thinks we are all stupid and believe her stories about calling "Her" boss to tell her she will be gone. Anyway, obviously this causes some kind of guilt on her part because every time she does this, she comes back in a bitchy mood and takes it out on everyone. Well, its either the guilt causing it or the booze, because she always goes on a drinking binge when she goes off for a few days. Anyway, her meltdowns usually send me heading to the fridge and I must say, it didn't this time. Maybe my mindset has changed. I sure hope so. I did decide not to go to work today. Not because of her idiotic, psychotic rantings, but because I coughed all night long and felt horrible. Well, around 1:30 I decided to go to the doctor and well, I have bronchitis, a sinus infection, and an ear infection in my right ear. Yeah. It sure was easy to stay within in points range today! LOL I felt too awful to eat much. I did have two taco bell crunchy tacos for lunch, but that's not much. I had soup for dinner and a WW giant fudge bar for dessert and that's all I have had. I haven't had any veggies or fruits much today, but I just don't feel like eating.

I put on a t-shirt today that I haven't worn since early last fall and it was skin tight back then, now it hangs off of me. That's just with 26 lbs. gone. It really makes me feel good to see that. I, unfortunately, am the opposite of anorexic. I still see me the same size. I lost most of this weight once before and that was a big problem with me. I still saw me as the same size I was when I started.........even though the clothes were way, way smaller, I didn't see me as any smaller. Go figure. That is something I am going to have to struggle with and make sure it doesn't derail me from my success.

Well, these are my thoughts for the day.

How do you handle sabotage? Whether its from your own mind or from other people???

Sunday, April 20, 2008


Okay, got back to staying OP and have lost another 4.4 lbs. for a total of 26 lbs. thus far. I have been sick this last two weeks and its been hard but I have been sticking to it, for the most part. This last week, I had strawberry cake, went to a local catfish place (I had broiled shrimp) and had a few hushpuppies, and even had a coke this week. Now, how did I lose? Well, this is what I THINK happened.

I cut back. I counted each point, for the most part, even when it was strawberry cake or hushpuppies. I made sure I got in more veggies. Its so much easier now that some of the homegrown stuff is coming to the stores. I kept a cut up cucumber next to me while I cooked so when I felt like munching, I grabbed them instead of something awful!!! I didn't get down on myself about eating something fattening, I just shuffled my meals up a little and made the others less fattening. Its a revelation for me, really. I usually beat myself up. I am my own worst enemy. I am taking this so much more "lightly" this time, yet I am being extremely serious with my eating habits. Let's pray I can keep up this attitude. I like it! LOL

For those of you who struggle with weight issues, I know how hard it is. Have been there, hell I am there, everyday of my life and I realize I will be "there" for the rest of my life. WHEN I shed ALL of these extra won't be over. This "DIET" thing, will hopefully have become a way of life. We need to remember that we can do what we want to, but its what we choose to do that makes a difference.

Stay positive!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Bad OP Day

Well, I had a bad OP day. Those of you with WW knows what OP is..........meaning I totally binged today and feel terrible. It didn't make me feel terrible physically, it just made me feel terrible emotionally. Funny thing is, I wasn't doing it out of stress. Don't know really why I did it, other than, I wanted to. Seriously, no stress (more than my stay-at-home college student's every soap opera life) just felt like it. I hate that I did it, honestly, but another weird thing is, I don't feel guilty about it because I KNOW this is not what I am going back to. I will get back OP tomorrow, get over this hump, and get on with my life. In the everyday scheme of things, this will not derail me for life, if I choose not to let it, right? Right! So, making a little pact with myself to start tomorrow a brand new day........get this out of my system and move on. The hardest part would be that I'm supposed to WI on Sunday. We will see what tomorrow brings. Sunday may get postponed to Monday or Tuesday.........but I won't skip WI this week if I can help it! LOL I am NOT going back to the way things were. I am NOT going to put back on those 21 lbs. I am NOT going to let this take over my whole life again! WHEW! Feel better.

Now, anyone have any ideas about how to stay OP on a major junk binge? Let me know. Any advice is welcome!

Back to the real world now!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Frustrating Day

Well, TCAP is about to start (standardized testing) for students at the school I work at. So, I am always put in charge and I hate that, but I know it will be done right......even though many others have their hands in it. That was stressful enough. ............................ Then, had a big "conversation" with my youngest son. He doesn't like the college (university) he is going to. He says he's miserable. He is going on a football scholarship and no longer thinks football is worth being there where he's miserable. This is a kid who a year ago was eat, drink , sleep football. I truly believe its girls on his mind causing the change. But hey, I'm the mom, what do I know? Right? So, I really, really, feel stressed about this. I have found he doesn't have the drive he used to have, whether that's football, school work, or anything at all for that matter. Its getting frustrating dealing with him. He lives at home and goes to a university here where I live. He just doesn't get that this was probably a once in a lifetime chance for him. He has a lot of talent, but does not believe in himself. He, unfortunately, has had some health issues this semester and it has affected his grades, so no academic scholarships after this year. He had a full ride. Oh well. Its hard, as a mom not to want to shake him. I don't want him to be miserable though. What do I do? Well, I just support him in any way I can. That's what I am here for.....However, with his health issues going on he will have to stay in school because he certainly can't afford to live on the little part-time job he has and no insurance. Whew, I have really rambled....But, that's what I made this blog for. For me to ramble instead of eat. This would've usually pushed me over the edge and I would've headed for the grocery store by now to get chips and cokes to drink! Those are two of my many weaknesses!

Of course, my oldest son went through something similar his freshmen year in college and he's still struggling to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up! The youngest son says now that he doesn't have football in his life, he doesn't know what he wants to do with the rest of his life. The football option hasn't been taken off the table. I just don't think he wants to do the hard work it takes for him to get where he needs to be (once he is released from the doctor).

Ok, none of you probably know what I am talking about, but DS#2 has been passing out and though I am not in the medical profession, I believe he's been having anxiety attacks. He HAD a history with a heart condition that was corrected, but the docs, before they will release him to play again, have to make sure this isn't heart related.....AND OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND THAT!

Okay, just needed to vent for awhile. I feel much better and I haven't headed for the fridge. I did fairly decent on my points today. Did go into my WPAs, but only a few. I still have plenty left. The one thing I didn't do was exercise. Still sore from yesterday and all I did was walk on the treadmill. (I think the soreness is from working in the yard the day before!)

My challenge is still to try and get some exercise in everyday! Maybe tomorrow!

Sunday, April 6, 2008


Well, I am down another 3 lbs. Not sure how this happened, but I will take it. I had the munchies all this week, however, I did stay within my points. I seem to being using all of my weekly points the last few weeks. I think what has helped the most is the fact that I have cooked a lot at home and made it a point, before I snacked, to make sure I had all my veggies and fruits in. I think that is really key sometimes. I am also becoming very aware of my emotional eating. Today, went to Red Lobster with son and had already decided I was going to eat anything I wanted. Well, turns out I wanted grilled shrimp, broccoli, and salad. I just didn't have the heart to go off program. THIS IS A MAJOR CHANGE IN MY LIFE! Usually, by now I would have had a binged with potato chips and cokes!

Now, for anyone out there who thinks this will never happen to them........I am with you, but again, for some reason, things seem to happening differently this time. I am more aware, of everything. I have many reasons for past failures and not many reasons for any successes I may have made along the way.

Now, the big challenge is to get my big butt up and moving. I am not much of an exerciser, so I am having to start out slow and easy. I get frustrated and bored easily with exercise, so I tend to quit.


Let me know!


Well, I've created this post, hoping it will help with the weight loss journey I have decided to embark upon. We will see, right? I guess it was my son who put this little notion in my head, as he has just started his own blog. Of course, he's more interesting than I am......................he has a lot more going on than I do. If you are interested in anthropology, forensic, cultural, medical, his blog is He is the one who got me interested in The Great Sunflower Project that you will see on my Things of Interest. Check it out.

I started weight watchers eight weeks ago and have lost 18.6 lbs. I have many, many more to go and decided I needed to monitor my successes and failures along the way. I really feel different this time as I begin my journey. I pray this feeling continues!!

I am your typical weight story. Have been heavy most of my 43 years. The gaining began in high school and never stopped. I gained and lost with both of my children and then gained again! I have been married for over 25 years now and have a supportive husband. I think he's tired of the weight loss journey, but he will just have to jump on the wagon this time, because this one is a long trip that will never be over. I was heavy when we married and have endured being the fat wife and fat mom. I am ready to just be the normal wife/mom that blends into the background.

I am realizing that this is a lifetime journey, not one that will take to a magical number and then I get off the ride. I am on the ride forever.

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