Saturday, January 30, 2010

Despair update

So early in my posts I talked about some despair that had come down on our family. Things in that area aren't all that much better. Actually, in my opinion they are worse. My daughter-in-law had a miscarriage today. I had allowed myself to get excited and it does hurt. I hurt for her because she was really excited. I hurt for my son, because he was NOT and now has guilt feelings over it all. This was part of my despair earlier, and though I have told you some of what has happened, there is a whole lot more attached to this I won't go into. Though my son was not too happy about this situation, he had just come around to the fact he was going to be a daddy and the rug gets pulled out from under him. Well, I pray for him and his wife. I know the pain of miscarriage as I had one between my two sons. It's a very empty, lonely feeling and no one has any words that can help. I just hope no one tells her the things they told me when I had my miscarriage. Well-meaning individuals told me "God has a reason for's just for the best.........or you are young you can have another baby" All these words are well-meaning and are said with love and concern, but from someone who has been there, these words only make you mad. People who have miscarriages are treated as though they shouldn't be mourning something they never had. I disagree. You bond with your child from the moment you know you are pregnant. I know I did. He/She is already a part of you. Yet, people forget that. They don't understand what the mourning is about. A stillborn baby is given a death certificate, yet a miscarried baby is not. I never understood that. Never will. All I know is my daughter-in-law is going through something very sad and very emotional and my wish for her is that well-meaning relatives and friends will allow her the time to grieve for the child she lost. The future she lost. You make plans. You envision yourself as a mom. In your mind, you fantasize about the family you are going to have. So, not only do you mourn the loss of a child, you mourn the loss of a future. Having to tell people you've miscarried is the hardest thing at this time. No one knows what to say and they usually don't say the right things. I hope my son can be supportive and allow her the time mourn in her own way. She will be weepy for awhile, I was. She will not understand when she sees someone with six kids that they obviously don't want. She will be mad and not understand why God could do this. These were some of the things I felt as well. I haven't told her, but she will get through this. Today is not the day for that. You do get passed it. You do quit hurting. For me the birth of my next child helped a lot. Don't know if that's in the cards for them though. We will see.

So, just wanted to share some of the despair with you here. Thanks!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Snowed In!

Yep, that's right people! Snow again here in the south! I love it because I get out of work/school today! That's the blessing side. The curse side is......snow here brings the entire town to a stand still. Now, I don't drive on this stuff unless it's an emergency, but I have driven on it and I have some common sense, drive slow, try my best to stay away from other drivers, etc. Still hate it though. Makes me a nervous wreck.

So, the problem today, and the rest of the weekend as the temps aren't going anywhere so neither is the snow, is the face that I am stuck in the house with all this food. I have some weight watcher things and some 100 calorie things, but this kind of weather usually sends me to the fridge. I am trying. Typing this blog is helping Crocheting a baby blanket helps (everyone at work seems to be pregnant). Making baby diaper cakes, a new hobby, (see picture here)

I just have to keep busy, obviously. Plus the Mt. St. Helen's of laundry in the laundry room will hopefully keep me from eating bad. I am feeling better and definitely want to continue this "downward" trend.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

First Week WI

Okay, so it's really not my first week, however, after the vacation it's my first week. A "do-over". Anyway...........drum roll please..........lost 6.4!! WOOHOO!

Just wanted to stop in and share! Thanks for the support!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Day two....

Okay, so far so good. Planned things out. Did pretty good. Walked at work this morning. I like getting it out of the way for the day early in the morning, however, yesterday I walked after school yesterday and I had tons of energy when I got home. So, hmmmmmmmm, why not do it in the morning and after work? Might have to start doing that!

I planned out my lunch and dinner and put it in my journal immediately. It helped me stay OP for the day because it was already written down. Had roast for dinner. Not much meat when you eat roast, but it was still good!

Okay, just thought i would put down my progress. That seems to help too. I need more recipes. I need to do some searching of everybody's blogs because I know there are some awesome people out there with great recipes!

Peace out peeps!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Here we go again!

Okay, so we are back from the mountains! What a beautiful time we had. Sure was nice getting away from work, stress, kids (even though they are grown).....just me and the hubby! We both are so relaxed (of course sex does that for you). Of course it was back to work today.....think I have my "TWITCH" back! Haha

So, I started WW AGAIN. I am sure there will be times I go off, go on, go off, go on, go off......etc., but I can't quit. So, here I am again! I am doing WW online. Me and a girl at work are doing WW. She's just doing it on her own, I already have an online subscription, so may as well put it to use. So, today was a good day. I didn't like my starting number, but oh don't it!! I made a good dinner tonight and made me some lunch for tomorrow. Planning always helps. I am NOT good at that. I am very bad about waking up, rushing out the door, and then come lunchtime at work, it's OH CRAP.....don't have a good lunch and I screw up! That's just me!

So, just checking in since I had to come back to the real world!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Going Away.....

So, the hubby and I are going out of town for a few days. Leaving the grown up sons, the house guest and the five dogs and one cat at home while we get away to celebrate our anniversary that was in December. See, when we were young and in love we just couldn't wait another day, week, month, year, to get married so, we foolishly ran off and got married two days after Christmas. Merry Christmas! So, of course, in the 27 years that I have been married, we hardly ever get to do anything for our when we can, the stars align, or whatever....we celebrate in January. So, it's off to the mountains for a five days. No kid(s), no work, no problems, no stress. Just some beautiful mountains to stare at from the hot tub!! WOOHOO>>>YAY!

So, just thought I would say bye for a few days! See ya!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A little lighter

Okay, so things are a little lighter today. The emotional stress and me as well! LOL I started dieting (so to speak) last week on Thursday and today was my first WI day. I haven't been following WW until two days ago. Just cut out sugar, white flour, junk food, etc.. Making a conscious effort to eat vegetables and fruits. Basically that's all I've done and I lost 2.2 lbs. Yay! So, happy with that, especially since it hasn't been anything strict or in a tidy little box (so to speak of course)

As for my ongoing family struggles, they are still ongoing, but things are a little lighter. Prayer helps so much and even though there are some who don't think it works, I am a true believer that it does. It certainly has for me. Me being the planner that I am, I have difficulty sitting back and waiting for things to happen. The terribly heart-wrenching pain I felt in my earlier post, well isn't so heart-wrenching, but it's still there. Slowly it's being replaced by anxiety.

My father was/is an alcoholic and I went to "al-a-teen" as a teenager and well, many, many times a day I find myself saying the serenity prayer........most especially the part "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change"...Boy that's a hard one for me! Slowly, though, he is granting it! The wisdom to know the difference doesn't come easy for me either....but that's just me! LOL

I truly have so many friends (including those of you here) that are supportive, even though I haven't told them what I am going through, they are magically here for me anyway. God is good!

Now, the "Courage to change the things I can" comes in to play with me everyday with this weight issue that I've pretty much had for the better part of my life. Courage. It takes a lot of courage sometimes to ignore what you want and do what you must. I must do something about this weight, other than watch it go up! So, slow and steady wins the race....well, I am racing then!

Thanks again for all of the prayers!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Work helps! What?

So, back at work after the long vacation. Ok, not a long vacation, a very short one. Started back yesterday. Just teachers, no students. Kids started today. Everything went smooth yesterday and today. It was quite refreshing.

Best of kept my mind of my issues with my son. I don't really know what to do. Things are "stable" I guess you could say. Your child hurts, no matter what age, you hurt. As a mom, that's one of the hardest things. I keep praying and that has brought me much peace. I know God has a plan. Me being such a neurotic "planner" myself, I truly have a hard time letting someone else do the planning and me not knowing what's in store......but I have to learn to give to God and let him plan things out. It's part of my own series of control issues I guess! I am not really a control freak, more of a person who doesn't like surprises. Another reason why these issues are driving me nuts. I am trying though. I really am. I am praying for God's help with my own neurotic issues as well as the issues going on with my son and my family! All of you who have sent prayers this way are truly another blessing in my life!

As for food! Two days and counting people! Started WW yesterday (online) and I always have a readjusting period with my stomach when I start eating right again, it's been tough, but not like REAL TOUGH. Just a little upset tummy! I feel better though in spite of that.

I try not to be a down in the dumps person. I got very emotional over the weekend due to "issues" of course, and the hubby didn't understand. He says he hates to see me that way. Yes, I hate getting that way. But, I had my moment, it made me feel better, and now I can think straight! Sometimes you need a meltdown to make things brighter! LOL AT least I do! No, I'm not crazy! No, that's not a twitch! No no....I am perfectly sane! LOL


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Still struggling......but feel blessed

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who commented and/or emailed me. Knowing there are such caring people out there, who don't even know me or my family and are praying for us.....warms my heart immensely. I know that through God, all is possible and I am truly hanging on to that at the moment.

Without going in to any details, it's regarding my oldest son and a struggle that he is in, which in turn trickles down to the family. He hurts, I hurt. Unfortunately, some of his hurt, he brought on himself. Not all, mind you, but I am a fair enough person to realize he's not perfect. Please continue to pray for him and our family!

God loves him and all of us. I know this. I know he will "stir" this mess and make something beautiful out of it!

Debby, you are amazing! Thanks again!

Saturday, January 2, 2010


No, I am not struggling with food issues....I'm struggling with heartache and despair and I'm not sure how to handle it. I know it's nothing I've ever felt before. It's not something I am going to delve into here, but please, if you are the praying kind, keep my family in your prayers.

I know God works miracles and am praying for one. I know he doesn't put more on us that we can handle. I am a true believer. How do you handle, though, when someone you are praying for just might not be a believer, but definitely needs Him more than anything right now?

I've truly never felt this heavy despair every in my life that I am feeling right now. One of the reasons I know it's such despair? I am sick, nauseous, can't eat. Now, when I can't eat, it's something rather heavy~ I am not trying to make light of this, I couldn't, sometimes humor helps. At least usually does in our family.

My God continue to watch over us with all that He is.
Thanks for reading!
Just had to put down some thoughts before I exploded!

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