Wednesday, November 10, 2010


So, I had a migraine that well, was by far the worst I have ever had. I have had migraines in the past, this was not like that at all. It was like an explosion. Woke me up at 3:30. I thought I was dying. Obviously ER personnel don't put that on a priority list because I sat there for three a dark room with my husband and no one ever came in to check. Anyway, had to have a shot to relieve the pain. I have never had a headache that took me to the hospital or the ER rather.

So this has side lined me for two days now, but it's getting better. Now I just feel like I have a hangover or something. The shot put me out for about 8 or 9 hours. Out like a light I tell ya.

So, feeling better, but still have a nagging pain on the right side of my head!

Peace out peeps

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Just a little frustrated!

Yes, I am frustrated. Not disillusioned, just frustrated. Been working out like an animal with this zumba thing. Been dieting with weight watchers. After two weeks....gained three pounds. What a pisser!!! I mean, REALLY? SERIOUSLY? Oh, I know the garbage about building muscle....blah blah blah....Had someone tell me, well one pound of muscle weighs more than one pound of fat! ARE YOU SERIOUS? One pound of muscle weighs one pound of fat weighs one pound.......And this person was college educated and taught school for 30 years. No wonder my son never like math.

Anyway, back on the subject.....I know the physical aspects of what's going on with my body, but I'm a spoiled brat and I want to see results now!! No beating around the bush here. I am having a blast with this zumba craze. Me and two friends went to the YMCA last night to a different class. Let me just say.........IT KICKED OUR ASSES! What are we? STUPID? Yes we are! Oh we thought we were something and were gonna go to a different class and just be able to do it. NOPE....This woman, first of all, is some kind of freak...with springs built into her feet, I am sure. No one can be that damned perky and bouncy without some kind of bionic adjustments that have been made to her legs/feet. Oh, and the crunches/hip thrusts....well, if I had done that, I would've dislocated a hip or something. HOWEVER...I felt good when I was done. Could barely move, but was feeling good. Not very sore today, which is a surprise. Mostly I feel like crap today because of the sinus junk. Now zumba has helped loosen up this crap, but it hasn't helped get rid of it!!

So there's my latest on my zumba infatuation. One of the teachers I work with is now going and she was having issues with her hips.....She says she is not having near the issues. Her doctor told her to keep it up. Even if she can never do the steps like they can, she needs to just keep moving. Try'll like it!

Peace out

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Having a BLAST!!

Okay, so I have no clue how long I am going to be on this high, but I am going to enjoy it the entire time. What am I babbling about you ask? (Okay, maybe you didn't but I am going to tell you anyway) ZUMBA! It is so much fun. Even last night after packing and moving my son and his wife for two days straight. After straining my back and feeling like I couldn't move another muscle. After giving myself many, many excuses not to go............I WENT! Now, it was a struggle last night. I felt like I was running through mud (or dancing actually), but I felt AMAZING after I was finished and very proud I followed through and went to the class.

As my earlier post mentioned, I have some social anxiety issues and have had for years.....most of my life actually. The fear has always controlled my life and I can't help but think maybe, JUST MAYBE, I am beginning to control the fear. I still VERY self-conscious and I still know that I have two left feet. Now steps are getting easier and I am catching on, but several things are still hard for me, mainly because of my size. BUT THE BIGGEST AND BEST PART? I know this and I know if I keep working at this, my coordination level will rise and hopefully my size will fall!! I am still overwhelmed with the fact that I am actually doing this. I have always been the one to bow out, not get involved, watched as everyone else was having a wonderful time while I sat there wishing it were me out there. God I hope this is me stepping through a new door and finding a whole new world out there! I am tired of not doing the things that I want to do for fear of__________________. There are many things and many things could be added to that blank.

I have also noticed that my fear of speaking out, or speaking up, or talking in front of people has diminished. With work, I have no problem speaking up or standing up for myself when necessary.........So hopefully this is me standing up to myself and telling myself to quit being the wallflower and start dancing!! No longer willing to sit on the sidelines and watch my life go by. I want to be involved!

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that anyone out there take a Zumba class. If you are worried about judgemental people...........I say "SCREW 'EM!" We have as much right to do these classes as anyone else!!

A few other things I have gotten over:

Well, I have these really ugly toes....yes I know, seems stupid, but for years and I do mean YEARS, I wouldn't wear sandals because in high school this idiot teased me about my toes. So, no cute sandals. NO pedicures. No nothing. Well, guess what? I don't care anymore. I don't like my toes anymore than I ever did, however, if you don't like them, keep it to yourself and KISS MY ASS! Okay, had to vent.

ALSO:...........I have suffered years and years and years during the summer because of my fat legs. I would not wear shorts. Mostly I wore jeans. Not any more. For about the past 5 or 6 years, I wear shorts when I want to dammit. Again, why should I be uncomfortable because of what someone might think? It's taken a lot of soul searching......a lot of getting pissed......and finally I realized I am worth doing things for me and not worrying about whether or not someone else thinks I am fat or have ugly feet or am totally uncoordinated and can't dance. Well, I'm not as uncoordinated as I thought I was......My toes, while ugly, hardly ever get noticed, and my fat thighs......guess what? not the fattest around.......So, I'm learning. It's taken 46 years...but I'm learning.~!
Peace out peeps!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Stepping out of my own comfort zone!

Okay, so I have always been a "shy" person when it comes to exercise. I only exercise at home with a DVD or walk in the neighborhood because I am so out of shape I don't want to embarrass myself. A bit of social anxiety if you will. UNTIL NOW!

I have a lot of friends at work and they have all been trying to talk me into Zumba. Well, I just knew I couldn't keep up or that because I have such a weight problem, that after 10 minutes I would have to stop. So, this past Monday night, I finally got up enough courage to go. Not have a clue what I was getting myself in for, I dreaded it all day long, but was a little excited as well. Compared to me, all of my friends are little and cute and well they just make me sick. Oh, each of them has a few pounds to lose...A FEW POUNDS! HA! I drink enough water today and I could be down a few pounds!

Anyway, so I show up.....guess what? I am not the fattest person in the room. I know that seems petty, but it did ease my anxiety a little. So, we get started. This instructor......little bitty tiny cute and bouncy, starts out show us steps and warming us up. I am like "ok, I can do this"...and I did. Then the pace picks up, and um........hey, I am keeping up. Then the pace picks up a bit more.........I look around (very little cuz you don't really have time to look around).......UM...HEY......I'm still keeping up and I am not the most uncoordinated in the room. Now, she does give us a little tiny bit of time to get water after each major song......which I have to have.....but an hour later....we are through and I am thinking "I THINK I REALLY LOVE THIS!" It was truly amazing! I had so much fun and was so excited that I could actually do this and do it for an HOUR!! OMG...this is so not me!

So, last night................I WENT AGAIN! The Thursday night class is only 45 minutes because its more face I went in thinking "I love this...but wonder if I can keep up?" Well, I DID.........and I love it even more!

I feel so wonderful, not only on a physical level, but on a mental level as well. I am not one that likes to step out of that comfort zone much and with the anxiety issues I have dealt with all my life, this is MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR in my life.

Just wanted to share!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just some thoughts....again

So, my mind is just thought I would put some of it down. So, when the ediets ends (cannot afford to keep it up), I am going on Weight watchers again. I feel good about that and I don't dread it, because I guess I have already started the diet. I have made two really good muffin recipes and tried them out on co-workers who are also on weight watchers....! They were a hit! I need more easy recipes because, well I am lazy and I get bored quickly! Sometimes I am brutally honest too. Haha!

This is just a short note today! I'm back on track, back in the saddle, focused again. It feels good. Now if I can just convince myself to stick with it. That, my friends, is a WORK IN PROGRESS!

See ya :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

Headed in the right direction

I am grateful for the ediets meal delivery plan that I am on. It's been EXTREMELY helpful for me to get my portions under control. They weren't WAY off actually, it was all the other snacking that I did that screwed me up.

I have lost 14 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm very proud I have stuck with it this long. I feel I am ready this time. I am already feeling better, even though tonight I am beat and not sure why. But, energy-wise at work, I am doing a lot better.

I want to keep this going. I want to get this weight off and I want food to be a priority in my life in an entirely different way. I want it to be important to me to eat healthy instead of consuming my next craving. I feel like an addict, problem is, my drug of choice is food and I can't just give it up like you can drugs and/or alcohol. So, I have to learn how to manage the food instead of allowing it to manage me. Sucks. Food is such a part of our everyday life. There's not a celebration in the south that doesn't come up with a big spread of fried, smothered in gravy, BBQ'd, and/or all of the above plus more of course! Oh yea, we had vegetables around all the years I grew up and now as well. Everything had some sort of fat in them. So, here's to teaching old dogs new tricks. I know these tricks though, I just choose to ignore them.

Well, just putting down my thoughts today. Feeling good, but tired. Feeling the strength to go on.....! No fat grandma!! Or at least not the fattest!! haha

Sunday, October 10, 2010

It's Over!

No, no, not the diet! The wonderful fall break that I was on! Gees people, don't go straight for the negative!! haha. I have been weighing myself a bit too much since I started this journey a week ago Friday. HOWEVER, BUT, I have lost 10 lbs. That's right. TEN (10) pounds! I'm into my 2nd week. Doing good. I have two goals for this week. Okay, wait, three.........First and foremost, I want to stay on my plan without going off. Secondly, I need to get in more water. Thirdly (is Thirdly a word?), I want to get my butt moving! Walk, do a tape, something, anything!

ALSO, I need some quick and easy recipes. After my four weeks is over, I am going to go back to dieting on my own. No more pre-made meals. So, I need some VERY EASY, I AM WAY TOO DAMNED TIRED TO COOK recipes! If anyone has a good turkey or chicken meatball recipe. I have been wanting meatballs. Go figure! My biggest challenge when I cook for myself is I end up cooking the same things over and over again, I get bored, and well, you know the rest..........all my weight comes right back on because I dove head first into a bag if chips or a bottle of coke! So, if you know some good recipes. Know someone who knows someone who knows where to find some recipes......let me know. Oh, I am also looking for a good white chicken chili recipe!

So, here's to this upcoming week. Back to work. Diet in full force. Yes, I said diet, cuz lets face it, that's what it is!

Check back later..............

Friday, October 8, 2010


So, I made it. I have been on this diet a whole week. That's a new record of late. Usually I go on a diet each morning and by the end of the day I've blown it! That's right...a whole week is a big deal. What else happened in that week? I lost a total of 9 lbs. Of course I am pleased!!! It is teaching me portion control. My stomach is still torn up from the changes, but I think it might be getting better.

We started some home remodeling this week. New fascia boards and soffits done. New back door put in. In two weeks, ALL new windows and vinyl siding. I feel like it's Christmas!! I will be so glad when it's all done. My dining room where the back door was replaced, now needs new sheet rock and painting. But, we need to get the outside done first, so it's lower on the priority list. After the outside is done, we will work on the inside. Replacing floors in the kitchen, dining room, two bathrooms and the living room. So, definitely when all that's over, I will have a whole new house!! I am glad. I love my little house, but boy it needs work! I am truly blessed that the hubby does all this work or there is no way in hell we could afford it.

All in all, this fall break has been great!
Peace out

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Day 5

Day five found me down one more pound to a loss of 8 lbs. I feel wonderful about that! The ediets meal delivery thing is working. Don't know how long I can work it (money!!!!!), but I know I committed for four weeks. Then, I have decided, I am not going off the healthy eating plan (Notice I did not say the "D" word). I am taking notes of what I am eating and my portion sizes, so when I get frustrated and and my brain is fried, I can go back to my notes and remember what was working.

So, I had lunch today with my best friend. We met at Olive Garden and I had the apricot chicken and salad. It was good. BUT.....(and yes I have a big BUTT-haha), it gave me such an upset stomach. After eating a week of food with no preservatives, etc. my stomach rebelled...........AND BIG TIME. It was not pleasant. I won't go into any more details.....TMI I realize! Nonetheless, I will have to be careful when eating out. I mean, I planned out what I was going to eat at Olive Garden, got the nutritional information and I have not gone over my daily calorie allowance, I just wasn't ready for real food yet. My best friend is so sweet, she's so excited I am on a diet. She has far less to lose than I do, but she's been doing weight watchers and she's lost over 20 lbs. and I am so happy for her too. We started WW (for the millionith time for me) on August 2nd, she's still going strong, I started cheating at two weeks. So, I have decided I will get back with WW, or something similar after my 4 weeks with this ediets stuff. As I have said before, I just needed something to jump start my weight loss efforts and I guess 8 lbs in five days is a pretty good jump start! I am really going to have to be careful regarding my stomach though. I have an "irritable" stomach anyway. Nothing that has been labeled as irritable bowel or anything, but I've had a "nervous" stomach all my life! Plus, I have been having GERD issues ever since having my hysterectomy, so the stomach issues have always been there.

I am on fall break this week and enjoying myself so much. Wish it would last longer. My husband and my son are in the home remodeling mode and put soffits and fascia boards up this past weekend and will be putting up new vinyl siding and new windows in the next two-three weeks. I will have a whole new house. Oh yea and a new back door. So, since I have no carpentry skills, I do clean up. Yay me! I hate clean up, but I did it. Wore my ass out too! I am so out of shape. Another reason to get this blubber burned off! That and I don't want to be the fat grandma! First grandbaby coming in February...gotta get some of this off!

So that's my tale for the day
Peace out peeps

Monday, October 4, 2010

So, it's been 4 days....

Yep, I have dieted a WHOLE 4 days. That's a record of late! Of course, knowing that this food is costing a fortune has really helped make me stay on it. I got on the scale this morning. Not sure if I should have, but I did. Down 7 lbs. In 4 days? I'm trying not to get to "WOW-ed" by that, but it does make me feel good. Oh, and I do feel good. This not having to weigh or measure or think, I love that! Especially the thinking part. Haha. It really is giving me a sense of portion control. I am staying with this for four weeks, then have decided to go to their 5 day plan. Is it gourmet cuisine? Not really, but it's nothing like nutrisystem either. I did that before and was successful. I chose not to eat healthy when that planned ended.

Just read Debby's post (click here to read it). She talked about choices. We are all where we are at in our lives because of our choices. And a lot of those times, its the bad choices that feel so good and cause so much damage! I too would rather sit down with a bag of potato chips than pay a fortune for this diet program. They taste much better. But, I am trying to make better "choices". When wishing I had chips or pie or whatever, I am trying to change my thinking and and say do I want those chips more than I want to lose weight? You know sometimes the answer is YES! We just have to re-group and get back on track. I have a hard time with that.

Dieting right now I do not feel deprived. Do I WANT something else? Hell yes I do. Do I WANT to be healthier and thinner? HELL YES!!! Right now, 4 WHOLE days in, things are going well.

Thanks Debby for reminding me of my choices. For the most part, my choices in life have been great ones. The daily choices, like putting food in my mouth, not so great. Trying to change that!

Peace out peeps

Saturday, September 25, 2010

So, here's what I decided

Well, I only go two comments, but that's ok...............I haven't been here in awhile, so not too many know I'm here.

This is what I've decided. These days...I hate cooking. So, I am going to do the eDiets meal delivery program. There are no penalties if I hate I'm going to give it a try. Pricey you ask? Hell yes it is. But, I'm worth it. I am going to give it a go. The thought of doing points made me nauseating.

After reading Debby's posts of late and Carlos, your recent post, I realize that I'm not alone in this struggle. I also realize that there are other poor suckers out there with all the willpower of a gnat, just like myself! WHY? Good question. Why the hell don't we stick with our diets....whatever they maybe......? WHY? Why do we quit exercising when that rush feels so damn good? WHY? Why do we stop these things that are bodies are screaming YES YES YES for.....and the first cheeseburger, or piece of pie, or bag of chips makes us feel like SHIT SHIT SHIT? No, really...WHY?

Well, my only answer would be, because I am a spoiled brat who is lazy. My answer to all of those WHY's? Because I don't want to cook something I know is good for me. Because I would rather talk to friends on facebook or take a nap than workout. Because I would rather run through a drive through than put out any effort. No thyroid problem. NO metabolism issues. No No No........I'm lazy and I DON'T WANT TO!.

So this Friday I will start on this eDiets stuff and see if I can do this. I will try yet again. Hoping for success and knowing that I can't quit trying. Wanting to feel better. Wanting to get home from work and not want to head straight for the bed or recliner for a nap. I don't usually get the nap, but I do want it!

I have no excuses.

I have hope.

I also have a granddaughter that will be born in February and I don't want to be the "fat grandma"...Ya know????

Later peeps!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Give me your opinion...

Gotta get back to losing.............

Which do you like the best?

Weight Watchers
South Beach
Jenny Craig
eDiets freshly prepared meals

Just wondered what everyone's experiences are!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Home from Hell!!!

That's right folks..........I have been in hell! I went to the inlaws for five days and it's pure hell. My mother-in-law....I get along with fine. Love her to death. THE MOST OBNOXIOUS MAN I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE. Actually he can be nice at times, just never to his own family. Puts the mother-in-law down on a constant basis. Of course, he's one of those that thinks everything he does is the only correct way and everyone else must be foolish for not doing things his way. Infuriating. It's so bad now that my mother in law hardly talks around him when we are there because he jumps down her throat for everything. Sad really. He goes out of his way to spend 30 minutes in a store talking to strangers, yet can't spend 5 minutes talking to his son. The worst thing about all of this, my husband has a lot of the same traits. Granted...I am doing my dead-level best to make him see how he is turning in to his Dad. He tries some of the same things...but I am by no means the push over his mother is. Oh, the mother-in-law takes up for herself a lot more these days, but you never know when that mine-field will blow! My father in law is in bad health and I guess he's on a mission to blame the whole world for it or at least make sure everyone is miserable along with him.

Oh, and then there is the sister-in-law who is the female version of my father in law, however, she never quits talking and turns every conversation to her. She also goes on and on and on about how much work she does and doesn't get paid to do....doesn't that make her a fool? It does in my eyes.

So, I have done my wifely duties (no pun intended) and gone to visit the in laws. Thank goodness they are three states away or we might have to see them more often.

There's no place like home............There's no place like home..................There's no place like home (insert the heel-clicking of Ruby Slippers here)


Saturday, June 19, 2010

I love summer......

So, I am out of school and loving the summer. It is a really short summer this year because I chose to do an extra program at school that lasted two weeks after my normal stopping time and the fact that they changed the calendar and we are going back even earlier than usual. The downside is having to go back earlier, the upside is the fact that we have a longer fall break and a couple other days added. I like it myself.

So, summer is so relaxing and I enjoy being home so much. I actually cook all the time. This is giving me the opportunity to cook much healthier and I like that. I have been basically following weight watchers since Wednesday of this week and I feel so much better. Why do we do this to ourselves? I know I don't have the answer, other than laziness. My only other problem with summer is I am at home a lot and that makes me want to eat. Granted the foods I am eating are much healthier......I just stay hungry more when I am at home!! Such is life!

I really hate that there are several people who have fallen off the wagon as I have, however, it is nice knowing I am not alone! To those blogging friends.......all we can do is keep trying. We know what to do.......we just get side tracked!

Amy over at Rebuilding Amy is having a contest. Here is a link to take a look at her blog see what she's doing!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Major absence

Yes, okay, so I have been gone awhile. Mainly because I haven't been dieting. But most of you knew that already. We all know when people aren't blogging well they aren't usually on program....any program! I am no exception!

I am sitting here knowing I need to diet as I drink my regular, totally caffeinated coke! I mean, I have to have the leaded version....not unleaded! So, I am kind of teetering back and forth as if I were on a see-saw when it comes to dieting. I am gonna diet, I'm not gonna diet.....I am gonna diet....I'm not gonna diet. Of course, my lard ass always brings the see-saw down on the side of not dieting! How could it not?

Anyway, One more week of my summer program and then I get my summer break. It will only be 4 1/2 weeks this year. That's not enough!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to try and eat healthier during those 4.5 weeks.

Just checking in again. Life is good here at the moment....just need to get back with some kind of dieting so I can get back into my clothes!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Love me some sunshine!!!!

Okay, so the sun is out and its 65 degrees here. I am loving this. While I like winter and snow and all, have been feeling a blah and sure am enjoying today's sunshine. It maybe short-lived as we have thunderstorms moving into the area, but I sat outside and got some vitamin D and boy does it make you feel better. It's amazing what a little sun does for your peace of mind and your energy levels. My prayer today is that everyone lets a little sunshine in today (literally and figuratively).

Diet going slow, but still going. Lost 8 lbs. total and while it's not as fast, I'm not really trying as hard it's my own fault. I am feeling good and doing more and moving more, so this is a plus for me. Eating better, but not the best. I know I can do better, and I shall!!!

Just a little check-in..........!! May you all have sunshine in your lives today!

Monday, February 8, 2010


Yep, that's right! Nothing was in normal amounts or portions. We had it all. Fried everything was on the menu! Mexican food. Chicken wings. Chinese steamed dumplings (more for the hubby). Lil smoked sausages. Southwestern egg rolls. Chips of all sorts and my favorite Coca Cola! Of course. No, I wasn't watching portion sizes or calories obviously, but I didn't pig out as I usually do. I just couldn't. I am glad I couldn't. I was miserable enough, but somehow, I got a signal that said stop. I don't usually get that signal..........well I might get it but I obviously have learned to tune that damned thing out!! Oh, I forgot the football cupcakes......which were scrumptious! It was all good and I probably gained, but we had a good time and my team won, so hey it was worth it!!!

I usually love the colts and Peyton Manning (he went to UT and so did my son)...but a young man from my son's high school who also was closer to his age and went to UT as well was on the saints team. He is a hometown boy so we had to root for him!! He ALMOST made an interception in the end zone during the last two minutes of the game, but his foot was out of bounds....DARN!

Anyway all is good in the world at the moment. The son and daughter in law are working things out. She is feeling better and in a better frame of mind. Had another snow day today, which is always good for those of us who work for a school system. Of course, the snow came, melted, and the rest of the day was great. BUT, now the snow is back and the superintendent won't go ahead and call schools this evening, she is waiting until the morning because basically, she was made a fool of today. We should've been in school! I feel like crapola, so I enjoyed having the time off and would like another please!! Got a cold/cough from somewhere and could use another do nothing day!

Anyway, gonna go for now!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010 will be missed...YAY...Pixie is back

Okay, so today I got on and was reading blogs, etc. So, I go down to my blog roll and click on Carlos's's not there! NO!!!!! Yes, I knew he was going to do it, but he will be missed. So, Carlos, if you read this......Miss You Bud!!! You brought a lot of humor and honesty our way and we will all be sad not having your words of wisdom everyday. I know you are emotionally exhausted and the blog just drains you even more, but again, we have all lost a little bright spot in our day without you!

Okay, also so glad that the little pixie is back from her cruise. I hate that she didn't have a good time, but hey, reading about her adventures definitely brightened the day....even though the cruise sucked.

I have been trying to read more blogs to get inspiration from all of you. I have been looking over this, she has some great recipes! Thanks TJ!

It's amazing that there are so many of "US" out there in the same boat (No pun intended Carlos). Sometimes our boat is a little leaky, but hey, we're in it together. Thanks to all of you for opening up your life and allowing others to be inspired!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Despair update

So early in my posts I talked about some despair that had come down on our family. Things in that area aren't all that much better. Actually, in my opinion they are worse. My daughter-in-law had a miscarriage today. I had allowed myself to get excited and it does hurt. I hurt for her because she was really excited. I hurt for my son, because he was NOT and now has guilt feelings over it all. This was part of my despair earlier, and though I have told you some of what has happened, there is a whole lot more attached to this I won't go into. Though my son was not too happy about this situation, he had just come around to the fact he was going to be a daddy and the rug gets pulled out from under him. Well, I pray for him and his wife. I know the pain of miscarriage as I had one between my two sons. It's a very empty, lonely feeling and no one has any words that can help. I just hope no one tells her the things they told me when I had my miscarriage. Well-meaning individuals told me "God has a reason for's just for the best.........or you are young you can have another baby" All these words are well-meaning and are said with love and concern, but from someone who has been there, these words only make you mad. People who have miscarriages are treated as though they shouldn't be mourning something they never had. I disagree. You bond with your child from the moment you know you are pregnant. I know I did. He/She is already a part of you. Yet, people forget that. They don't understand what the mourning is about. A stillborn baby is given a death certificate, yet a miscarried baby is not. I never understood that. Never will. All I know is my daughter-in-law is going through something very sad and very emotional and my wish for her is that well-meaning relatives and friends will allow her the time to grieve for the child she lost. The future she lost. You make plans. You envision yourself as a mom. In your mind, you fantasize about the family you are going to have. So, not only do you mourn the loss of a child, you mourn the loss of a future. Having to tell people you've miscarried is the hardest thing at this time. No one knows what to say and they usually don't say the right things. I hope my son can be supportive and allow her the time mourn in her own way. She will be weepy for awhile, I was. She will not understand when she sees someone with six kids that they obviously don't want. She will be mad and not understand why God could do this. These were some of the things I felt as well. I haven't told her, but she will get through this. Today is not the day for that. You do get passed it. You do quit hurting. For me the birth of my next child helped a lot. Don't know if that's in the cards for them though. We will see.

So, just wanted to share some of the despair with you here. Thanks!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Snowed In!

Yep, that's right people! Snow again here in the south! I love it because I get out of work/school today! That's the blessing side. The curse side is......snow here brings the entire town to a stand still. Now, I don't drive on this stuff unless it's an emergency, but I have driven on it and I have some common sense, drive slow, try my best to stay away from other drivers, etc. Still hate it though. Makes me a nervous wreck.

So, the problem today, and the rest of the weekend as the temps aren't going anywhere so neither is the snow, is the face that I am stuck in the house with all this food. I have some weight watcher things and some 100 calorie things, but this kind of weather usually sends me to the fridge. I am trying. Typing this blog is helping Crocheting a baby blanket helps (everyone at work seems to be pregnant). Making baby diaper cakes, a new hobby, (see picture here)

I just have to keep busy, obviously. Plus the Mt. St. Helen's of laundry in the laundry room will hopefully keep me from eating bad. I am feeling better and definitely want to continue this "downward" trend.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

First Week WI

Okay, so it's really not my first week, however, after the vacation it's my first week. A "do-over". Anyway...........drum roll please..........lost 6.4!! WOOHOO!

Just wanted to stop in and share! Thanks for the support!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Day two....

Okay, so far so good. Planned things out. Did pretty good. Walked at work this morning. I like getting it out of the way for the day early in the morning, however, yesterday I walked after school yesterday and I had tons of energy when I got home. So, hmmmmmmmm, why not do it in the morning and after work? Might have to start doing that!

I planned out my lunch and dinner and put it in my journal immediately. It helped me stay OP for the day because it was already written down. Had roast for dinner. Not much meat when you eat roast, but it was still good!

Okay, just thought i would put down my progress. That seems to help too. I need more recipes. I need to do some searching of everybody's blogs because I know there are some awesome people out there with great recipes!

Peace out peeps!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Here we go again!

Okay, so we are back from the mountains! What a beautiful time we had. Sure was nice getting away from work, stress, kids (even though they are grown).....just me and the hubby! We both are so relaxed (of course sex does that for you). Of course it was back to work today.....think I have my "TWITCH" back! Haha

So, I started WW AGAIN. I am sure there will be times I go off, go on, go off, go on, go off......etc., but I can't quit. So, here I am again! I am doing WW online. Me and a girl at work are doing WW. She's just doing it on her own, I already have an online subscription, so may as well put it to use. So, today was a good day. I didn't like my starting number, but oh don't it!! I made a good dinner tonight and made me some lunch for tomorrow. Planning always helps. I am NOT good at that. I am very bad about waking up, rushing out the door, and then come lunchtime at work, it's OH CRAP.....don't have a good lunch and I screw up! That's just me!

So, just checking in since I had to come back to the real world!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Going Away.....

So, the hubby and I are going out of town for a few days. Leaving the grown up sons, the house guest and the five dogs and one cat at home while we get away to celebrate our anniversary that was in December. See, when we were young and in love we just couldn't wait another day, week, month, year, to get married so, we foolishly ran off and got married two days after Christmas. Merry Christmas! So, of course, in the 27 years that I have been married, we hardly ever get to do anything for our when we can, the stars align, or whatever....we celebrate in January. So, it's off to the mountains for a five days. No kid(s), no work, no problems, no stress. Just some beautiful mountains to stare at from the hot tub!! WOOHOO>>>YAY!

So, just thought I would say bye for a few days! See ya!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A little lighter

Okay, so things are a little lighter today. The emotional stress and me as well! LOL I started dieting (so to speak) last week on Thursday and today was my first WI day. I haven't been following WW until two days ago. Just cut out sugar, white flour, junk food, etc.. Making a conscious effort to eat vegetables and fruits. Basically that's all I've done and I lost 2.2 lbs. Yay! So, happy with that, especially since it hasn't been anything strict or in a tidy little box (so to speak of course)

As for my ongoing family struggles, they are still ongoing, but things are a little lighter. Prayer helps so much and even though there are some who don't think it works, I am a true believer that it does. It certainly has for me. Me being the planner that I am, I have difficulty sitting back and waiting for things to happen. The terribly heart-wrenching pain I felt in my earlier post, well isn't so heart-wrenching, but it's still there. Slowly it's being replaced by anxiety.

My father was/is an alcoholic and I went to "al-a-teen" as a teenager and well, many, many times a day I find myself saying the serenity prayer........most especially the part "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change"...Boy that's a hard one for me! Slowly, though, he is granting it! The wisdom to know the difference doesn't come easy for me either....but that's just me! LOL

I truly have so many friends (including those of you here) that are supportive, even though I haven't told them what I am going through, they are magically here for me anyway. God is good!

Now, the "Courage to change the things I can" comes in to play with me everyday with this weight issue that I've pretty much had for the better part of my life. Courage. It takes a lot of courage sometimes to ignore what you want and do what you must. I must do something about this weight, other than watch it go up! So, slow and steady wins the race....well, I am racing then!

Thanks again for all of the prayers!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Work helps! What?

So, back at work after the long vacation. Ok, not a long vacation, a very short one. Started back yesterday. Just teachers, no students. Kids started today. Everything went smooth yesterday and today. It was quite refreshing.

Best of kept my mind of my issues with my son. I don't really know what to do. Things are "stable" I guess you could say. Your child hurts, no matter what age, you hurt. As a mom, that's one of the hardest things. I keep praying and that has brought me much peace. I know God has a plan. Me being such a neurotic "planner" myself, I truly have a hard time letting someone else do the planning and me not knowing what's in store......but I have to learn to give to God and let him plan things out. It's part of my own series of control issues I guess! I am not really a control freak, more of a person who doesn't like surprises. Another reason why these issues are driving me nuts. I am trying though. I really am. I am praying for God's help with my own neurotic issues as well as the issues going on with my son and my family! All of you who have sent prayers this way are truly another blessing in my life!

As for food! Two days and counting people! Started WW yesterday (online) and I always have a readjusting period with my stomach when I start eating right again, it's been tough, but not like REAL TOUGH. Just a little upset tummy! I feel better though in spite of that.

I try not to be a down in the dumps person. I got very emotional over the weekend due to "issues" of course, and the hubby didn't understand. He says he hates to see me that way. Yes, I hate getting that way. But, I had my moment, it made me feel better, and now I can think straight! Sometimes you need a meltdown to make things brighter! LOL AT least I do! No, I'm not crazy! No, that's not a twitch! No no....I am perfectly sane! LOL


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Still struggling......but feel blessed

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who commented and/or emailed me. Knowing there are such caring people out there, who don't even know me or my family and are praying for us.....warms my heart immensely. I know that through God, all is possible and I am truly hanging on to that at the moment.

Without going in to any details, it's regarding my oldest son and a struggle that he is in, which in turn trickles down to the family. He hurts, I hurt. Unfortunately, some of his hurt, he brought on himself. Not all, mind you, but I am a fair enough person to realize he's not perfect. Please continue to pray for him and our family!

God loves him and all of us. I know this. I know he will "stir" this mess and make something beautiful out of it!

Debby, you are amazing! Thanks again!

Saturday, January 2, 2010


No, I am not struggling with food issues....I'm struggling with heartache and despair and I'm not sure how to handle it. I know it's nothing I've ever felt before. It's not something I am going to delve into here, but please, if you are the praying kind, keep my family in your prayers.

I know God works miracles and am praying for one. I know he doesn't put more on us that we can handle. I am a true believer. How do you handle, though, when someone you are praying for just might not be a believer, but definitely needs Him more than anything right now?

I've truly never felt this heavy despair every in my life that I am feeling right now. One of the reasons I know it's such despair? I am sick, nauseous, can't eat. Now, when I can't eat, it's something rather heavy~ I am not trying to make light of this, I couldn't, sometimes humor helps. At least usually does in our family.

My God continue to watch over us with all that He is.
Thanks for reading!
Just had to put down some thoughts before I exploded!

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