Thursday, October 22, 2009

WE ARE WORTHY/A rant of sorts...........

Ok, so this hot mama got me to thinking after I read her post today...........(I know, very dangerous -- but she is so insightful, it got me thinking).

Why is it, in our society, that we (WE being those of us who are WEIGHT CHALLENGED!!) feel like we don't deserve to go to the beach to have a good time? Why is it we feel like we have to cover up, cower down, not get involved, stay in the get the point? Debby said for the first time in her life she was at ease at the beach wearing her bathing suit. Not caring what she "looked like" but just getting out there and doing what she wanted to do without a thought about "Oh, I better cover up before I go to the beach"....Or "I can't go to the pool in just my bathing suit". Guess what? WE ARE WORTHY! We really are! It's not the "pretty people" beach. Or resorts, or spas or any other vacation spot or fun spot. They aren't the only ones allowed to enjoy their lives. We are put in such a box, that we don't realize WE ARE WORTHY!

Don't get me wrong.................WE ARE THE MASTERS OF OUR OWN SHIPS..........No one else can put us in that box unless we allow them to do it. But, in the society in which we live, we are supposed to be ashamed that we stay inside....we sit on the sidelines......NOT ANY MORE PEOPLE! I want to enjoy my life.

This summer, though I wasn't as free out on the beach as Debby may have been, I did have an "I don't care" attitude when it came to being in the bathing suit. Debby has lost a lot of weight and deserves all the praises that comes with it. Me, not so much. HOWEVER, I am WORTHY! I got two new bathing suits this year, which my husband loves I might add. (They really show off the "girls" if you know what I mean?). So, I proudly wore my bathing suit this summer. I enjoyed the beach for the first time like I have never done before. I didn't care who was around. I was there for me....not for them. I went swimming when I damn well pleased. I didn't wait for the pool to be less crowded because I was embarrassed. Nope, I did what I wanted to on my vacation FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.... It was a good feeling and I appreciate my friend for writing on this topic, because it brought up some good memories from my summer vacation.

Again, I give credit to my blogger friend for pointing this out. She's amazing. If you've noticed lately, I have given her lots of "kudos" here on my blog. Well, first of all, its because I truly respect the effort she has made to change her life. How could you not? I also get so much inspiration from her blog. She's honest. She tells it like it is. She doesn't tell you that you have to lose weight her way or you're not going to succeed. She just shares her journey with us. Thanks AGAIN DEB!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Super Sunday

So, I woke up this morning to a beautiful day! The sun is shining. Its brisk, not cold outside. Getting ready to take a little walk with my little dog that I spoke about in my last post.

I must say, my little changes are making a world of good. I know me, will I keep it up? Who knows, but I am going to enjoy the moment. I have spent way too many days, hours, moments in my life wishing I had done things differently or being down on myself for not doing it the way everyone else says I should. I am going to enjoy this day, without guilt!

I woke up this morning and had an apple and cottage cheese for breakfast while the hubby had bacon and eggs. Guess what? I didn't want the bacon and eggs. I had squash and lima beans for lunch. No meat. In the south, I think that's a sin, but I love veggies! Don't get me wrong, I could never be a vegetarian, but I love just veggies sometimes!

I seem to be handling my stomach issues with changing some of my diet and some acid reflex medicine. I feel it bothering me some this morning. I never have burning heartburn, I just get a feeling of something stuck in my throat and an odd feeling on the right side of my chest. So, anyway, I have managed it rather well. Going to see how this works for now. I cannot afford some unnecessary tests at this point. The hubby had a kidney stone last month and we had to take him to the ER, and while we have fairly good insurance, just looking at the bill made me hyperventilate! So, gonna try to self medicate. If things get worse, of course, I will go in. My PC knows what's going on and wants me to see a GI doctor...but right now, it will have to wait.

Well, just checking on for the day. Love yourself no matter what. Self loathing only makes things worth. Take it from me! When I look in the mirror, I truly get pissed at myself and wonder how I let myself get here. I know how I got here. So, I stay away from the mirror. At least for one day. A day to just love myself and say, to hell with what the mirror says, I am beautiful!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Baby It's Cold Outside!

Where did this come from? The high is only 53 today? It's least to me! But, I am snuggled up in my chair with my fuzzy socks on and my fuzzy fleece pants enjoying my fall break. I truly do like this kind of weather. Snuggling weather, just wish the hubby was home to snuggle with. It's dreary looking, windy, and cold..all the ingredients for a hot chocolate (sugar free of course) and chili kind of evening! Ooh, chili, good idea!

Took my little dog walking with me yesterday and I must say, she and I both enjoyed it. I had my iPod going and I have two songs I play back to back because they are fast and upbeat and it makes me walk faster...well, I thought the poor thing was going to trip over her tongue! LOL We both felt better for it though. She's getting a little round, as am I, except in my case its ROUND-ER! It felt really great. I have been running my mom all over town this morning so haven't ventured out for my walk yet today. I have decided that I am going to do what makes me feel good. As I have said before, I have a tendency to be the "all or nothing" girl and just quit when I cannot achieve perfection, so I'm realizing perfection is what I make it out to be, not what someone else says I have to do. There are many, many, many more motivated people than little ole me in this world and I find myself feeling like I can't compete, like I can't do it to their level, so how could I ever be successful? Well, wait a minute. This is my life, my weight problem, my eating problem, why don't I do things MY WAY? Can you say duh? I am 45 years old. Why haven't I got this before? SO, I'm not perfect. Never will be, so quit trying. Does that mean I don't need to try harder at my weight loss efforts and exercise efforts? Well, of course not. What it means is I need to do what's right for me and quit trying to do someone else's program. Or think that because I can't do 200 crunches everyday that my efforts are all in vain!

So, here's to me! I am doing MY THANG from now on. Does that mean I will eat cake? Probably. Does that mean I will have potato chips? Probably. Does this mean I will quit trying and quit struggling with my weight issues? Never. So, I am going to try daily to make better choices and I am going to walk for 15 minutes since it makes me feel better. And oh, I will walk for 30 like I did yesterday because I had more energy. Or I will eat apples in the morning because it helps my stomach. I may have had an epiphany, or NOT.....But, what I do know is I am going to quit measuring myself with everyone else's tape measure!!

Love ya peeps!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A better (yet crazy) day!

Well, today was quite a crazy day at work. I mean, CRAZY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! But, I survived without choking not one of them. Aren't you proud? I seriously wanted to. I seriously did. No one even had to hold me back, even though I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to. Crazy.

Because of my stomach issues, eating just hasn't had its "allure" that it usually does. I realize I need to get it taken care of, and I will, but it has lead to me losing 4 lbs. Granted its four pounds I am losing AGAIN but its better than gaining and I am going to pat myself on the back for that. I have also started walking in the mornings again and I must say, its already making me feel better.

SO, I ask (mostly myself) why do I always quit doing the exercise when it makes me feel so much better? WHY OH WHY? I guess its because "I ain't got sense God gave a goose". Pretty much. Yes its an old southern saying my grandmother used to say. Gotta love it. So, just from walking 15 minutes in the gym before work, I have gained a lot of energy. I am proud of myself for that.

I am also changing one bad habit at a time! I started going by Sonic every morning and getting either a croisonic and a diet cherry sprite. Oh, I thought I was doing good because of the diet cherry sprite. OH how we try to deceive ourselves. Anyway, I changed that routine to a routine of a banana or and apple and a protein cereal bar (I do better with protein than with carbs) and I usually drink water. So, I figure, overhauling one meal at a time has got to help. It seems to have helped a little. I unfortunately tend to go all gung ho and dive in head first into anything I try and well with diets, I tend to quit them shortly thereafter because I didn't ease myself into. So this is me "easing". Good luck with that, right?

I want to shout out to one of my most inspirational gal pals. Now, she and I have never met. We are sisters at heart through our weight issues and I must say, she always has a supportive word or a "get off your ass and do something" type advice, which I desperately need. Thank you Debby!!! You are amazing and I want to be you when I grow up.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Still around......still struggling......but doing ok!

Just wanted to say I am still around! Sorry, I quit writing. I need to get back to it, I realize, but life in the way. No other excuses. Been struggling with dieting which is my life's story....! Been struggling with my #2 son, who has dropped out of college again. What to do? Who knows? WORK is crazy as usual, and fun. Who knew changing up the office configuration (people wise) would make such a positive change. In the 7 years I have worked in my office, it has never been this calm....maybe its because two of the major drama queens left. One had a baby and decided to stay home with her and the other, whom we thought would never ever leave, took a different job. Who knew? All I know is, it left us a person short in my office, however, you can't tell it. What does that say? Well, it says that the person who left, obviously isn't missed because well, she was dead weight anyway!

Going through some stomach issues. Doctors are thinking GERD (acid reflux) and/or hiatal hernia. Who knows. All I know is, why am I not losing weight when I eat half what I was eating two months ago? Even started walking again. No movement in the scale. The food I am eating, terribly bland stuff, low fat, pretty much no sugar except for some sherbet. would think a pound, maybe two down. Nope, not me! Oh well. I really am not discouraged. I don't have time to be!

Though I seem to be going through some "issues" I really don't feel like I am. I am the type to internalize my problems and maybe that's why the stomach issues, but who knows. The things that bother me shouldn't and the thinks I should get bothered about, I don't. I've always been backwards!

Life with the hubby is good, we are both just so tired all the time. He works like a dog and stress seems to take its toll on me. We are taking time to do things together, without the overgrown child still living at home!!!!

Just wanted to update and put down a few thoughts. If you read this, thanks! I appreciate it!

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