Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Having a BLAST!!

Okay, so I have no clue how long I am going to be on this high, but I am going to enjoy it the entire time. What am I babbling about you ask? (Okay, maybe you didn't but I am going to tell you anyway) ZUMBA! It is so much fun. Even last night after packing and moving my son and his wife for two days straight. After straining my back and feeling like I couldn't move another muscle. After giving myself many, many excuses not to go............I WENT! Now, it was a struggle last night. I felt like I was running through mud (or dancing actually), but I felt AMAZING after I was finished and very proud I followed through and went to the class.

As my earlier post mentioned, I have some social anxiety issues and have had for years.....most of my life actually. The fear has always controlled my life and I can't help but think maybe, JUST MAYBE, I am beginning to control the fear. I still VERY self-conscious and I still know that I have two left feet. Now steps are getting easier and I am catching on, but several things are still hard for me, mainly because of my size. BUT THE BIGGEST AND BEST PART? I know this and I know if I keep working at this, my coordination level will rise and hopefully my size will fall!! I am still overwhelmed with the fact that I am actually doing this. I have always been the one to bow out, not get involved, watched as everyone else was having a wonderful time while I sat there wishing it were me out there. God I hope this is me stepping through a new door and finding a whole new world out there! I am tired of not doing the things that I want to do for fear of__________________. There are many things and many things could be added to that blank.

I have also noticed that my fear of speaking out, or speaking up, or talking in front of people has diminished. With work, I have no problem speaking up or standing up for myself when necessary.........So hopefully this is me standing up to myself and telling myself to quit being the wallflower and start dancing!! No longer willing to sit on the sidelines and watch my life go by. I want to be involved!

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that anyone out there take a Zumba class. If you are worried about judgemental people...........I say "SCREW 'EM!" We have as much right to do these classes as anyone else!!

A few other things I have gotten over:

Well, I have these really ugly toes....yes I know, seems stupid, but for years and I do mean YEARS, I wouldn't wear sandals because in high school this idiot teased me about my toes. So, no cute sandals. NO pedicures. No nothing. Well, guess what? I don't care anymore. I don't like my toes anymore than I ever did, however, if you don't like them, keep it to yourself and KISS MY ASS! Okay, had to vent.

ALSO:...........I have suffered years and years and years during the summer because of my fat legs. I would not wear shorts. Mostly I wore jeans. Not any more. For about the past 5 or 6 years, I wear shorts when I want to dammit. Again, why should I be uncomfortable because of what someone might think? It's taken a lot of soul searching......a lot of getting pissed......and finally I realized I am worth doing things for me and not worrying about whether or not someone else thinks I am fat or have ugly feet or am totally uncoordinated and can't dance. Well, I'm not as uncoordinated as I thought I was......My toes, while ugly, hardly ever get noticed, and my fat thighs......guess what? not the fattest around.......So, I'm learning. It's taken 46 years...but I'm learning.~!
Peace out peeps!

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