Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Coming out of the clouds

Today I feel like I am beginning to come out of the clouds. I guess I have been in a cloud for a while now. Not just since having my hysterectomy, which believe me hasn't helped. Since I quit eating right and stopped going to weight watchers, I feel like I was this airplane flying through the clouds, and now, I feel like the clouds are thinning a bit and I am beginning to see where I am at, where I am going. Does that make sense? I am not sure. Its just what's in my head!

I remember thinking back in August when my falling off the wagon began. I felt terrible when I started that terrible fall. I can always feel right away when I haven't been eating right. I feel like I am in a fog, in a cloud. Well, maybe, just maybe my fog is lifting.

This has been brought to me in large part from my blogging friends. This six weeks off and my massive boredom has brought to this blogging community of wonderful people. Its given me the will to fight again. Something I felt like I had lost. I am slowly finding it again. There are so many amazing people out there in the same fight and I must say, I am in some amazing company. Yes, the season brings on depression in many people, usually for me even, but not this year. It has brought me a new hope. New friends. Definitely new inspirations. I was given the gift of time with this surgery and I feel like it has truly given back to me 10 fold.

I read back over my posts from earlier this month and earlier this year. Some were good, while others were not. How can I sit here and complain about being frustrated with boredom, when there are people out there praying for a day off.? How can I bitch and moan about the cold when there are others who have to sleep out in this stuff? How can I be frustrated with my healing process when I am doing amazingly well and there are so many others in the hospital today, fighting for their lives today, in pain, in chemo, fighting a fight I know nothing about? I am blessed. I am happy. I have an amazing family. Amazing friends. Amazing co-workers. An amazing job. So, today, I am coming out of the clouds, letting the fog lift and looking forward. Looking ahead at what life has in store and realizing I am in an amazing place right now.

Thanks for all the bloggers. You have really made me see the light through those clouds. I have truly enjoyed reading these blogs and seeing your thoughts and emotions written down for the world to see. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Losing Waist! said...

Out of the clouds... I was thinking about that and came to the conclusion that I have a similar situation when I eat bad or binge. I have to switch of my brain and kind of zone out because if not the chatter inside my head warning me would be too much. Sometimes it still gets to me but it is much later after the damage is done. Maybe not completely what you were explaining but I do relate. I have been working on being "mindful" of what I am doing because it is so hard for me to be present while eating. So many years of ignoring the FULL signals and now I am getting back in touch with them. It is pretty weird. There is a similar psychological term of disassociation but I am not sure it relates completely...

Anyway. Great thoughts for today. It is kind of brewing a post for me about the "off switch". It is great to read about your trip back to awareness.

Stages of Change said...

It sounds like you're getting your head into a good place too. Right on. As the aptly named FogHat sang: slow ride, take it easy. And that's the point, real, long-term change is a slow process, so for me I'm trying to take it easy, be good to me, count my many blessings (and this blogging community is quickly becoming a very significant one), and take it one day a time.

Have a great day!

Bunny Trails said...

I love your musings here. You are so right - we are lucky - so very lucky! Thanks for making me TRULY see my situation for what it is!!!

Yah know, you can do this. We all can. It's not easy... if it was, we wouldn't have these issues. however, I have no doubt in my mind you will kick this and continue your journey into awareness! We're here with you for the ride!

Estela said...

CJ, thank you SOOOOO much for this post. You know it was you who made me sit down and post an update on my silly broken ankle. That's all it is, a silly broken ankle that is healing and will heal. Yet here I was, crying on the floor, asking why me. Even my 26 y.o. daughter opened my eyes...come on Mom, there are men coming home daily from Iraq who have NO LEGS!! That made me snap too!

I too, am thankful, for my job while thousands are jobless, for my paid home while others are in foreclosure, for my family while others face this life alone.

Have a wonderful Christmas!
Estela in South TX

Carlos said...

back at you

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