Taking Control.........Again

So, here's where the honeymoon is over. I am struggling with staying OP just about every day. Getting sick last week only helped in my downward spiral (not downward in weight I can tell you!). The WW boards are truly an inspiration for me. People who don't know me but who are in the same "boat" offering advice and kind words to encourage me to keep going. Its really helpful.

This is what its been like my entire life. I have always been good at the beginning of every diet. Usually about 30 lbs in I give up. So, at least I have made it to 37 before getting this feeling. Usually its, "to hell with it, I'm tired of this, I'm eating what I want to dammit!" Even though I have been doing some of that for about a month now, I have managed not to go completely off my diet. So, when does my brain realize this isn't a diet? My body has already realized that to a point. I am more energetic and it won't let me lay around and be lazy as much. I'm just "antsy" now. Can't sit still. Yeah me!!

So, I'm doing a little soul searching right now. I do love the new energy. I do love the trying on all these clothes that I had given up on because they were so tight and uncomfortable. Now, most of the uncomfortable ones are too big. I actually like seeing me in a mirror. Now, I would still like to be seeing less, but its not as painful.

Still, its why????? Why? When you know how much better you feel, why do you go off your program (won't say diet)? When every time you do go off, your stomach plays hell with you, why do you do it? When you spend another week getting your stomach right again, why? Why do I think going back to my old habits is going to have different results? Well, the voices in my head are back and I'm not doing a very good job of answering them, am I? LOL

As a child of an alcoholic, I learned at a young age what "One Day At A Time" meant and it truly applies to my food addiction. I can also recite the serenity prayer, which I do daily. The visuals don't work for me. I have a picture of me in a white dress getting a hug from Randy White (Dallas Cowboys Defensive End from the 70s -- I think he was a defensive end) and it was one of my smaller days and pretty damned good day getting a hug from him! Anyway, I tried many, many times to use that as a visual. It doesn't work.

What also doesn't work is a defeatist attitude, so I'm kicking my own ass today and saying I am re-committing to my weight loss. I don't want to feel awful again. I don't want to be so tired I can't make it through a day of work. I don't want to hurt all over from carrying around another person. I don't want to go back to not fitting in chairs or booths or whatever. So, take my advice......Ask yourself all the questions I have, and then answer them, honestly. Remember, One Day At A Time applies to all of us......................Today, I am going to quit beating myself up and start applauding myself! Good luck to me!!! LOL