Thoughts for the day

Okay, I go on the WW boards everyday and give my thoughts, so I thought I would come here and do the same. Someone brought up the topic of being black or white and not having any gray areas. Meaning, she was either on program or off it. She either exercised or she didn't, etc. This was so me in my past attempts. I was the person who did everything perfect, worked out, journaled everything, never strayed..................................until I actually DID stray and then everything was blown to hell.

I lost almost all of this weight once before. I didn't reach that magical number. I didn't reach that magical size. Mostly, I didn't see a difference in the mirror. I still saw the same fat person I had always been. I know I have a problem with that and realizing that has been extremely hard. People now tell me I've lost weight and I don't SEE. I feel it everyday in the way I move and in my clothes. I just don't see it. I'm not sure why? Maybe the same way an anorexic person thinks they are still fat when they are mere skeletons. I don't know. Its an ongoing problem for me.

I feel myself changing, little by little. I felt terrible last night and I knew it was because I hadn't worked out yesterday. SO, at 9:00 p.m. the DH and I decided we needed to get up and move, so we headed out in the neighborhood and did about a mile. Granted it wasn't much, but it got the both of us off the couch and moving. This is totally out of the norm for both of us. It made us both feel better. So, why am I dreading working out this morning? I know that I will, but I have put way too much thought in to not wanting to work out. That's just my little brain at work trying to sabotage my efforts. Does anybody else have any self-sabotaging problems? It gets rough sometimes, trying to lose weight and deal with those inner demons trying to keep you from losing weight!.. We must FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AND GET RID OF THE VOICES IN OUR HEADS! Okay, now you all obviously know that I'm crazy, but who cares! A little bit of crazy never hurt no one!! LOL

My short term goal is to lose 50 lbs. I am at 35 or 36 (wow I'm note sure) right now. Carlos had given me the suggestion of buying new shoes upon obtaining this goal, however, I had just bought a new pair of sneaks for walking. Sorry, but will have to buy something else! Or I could buy another pair of shoes. That's the only thing I have on my person that has never changed in size all of these years and all of these pounds!! I love shoe shopping!

So, these are my ramblings for the day. Just needed somewhere for these thoughts to go~