SOMETIMES I WONDER

Well, I wonder a lot, but mostly I wonder why I like food so much? Well, I am from the South. That doesn't help! Fried and lots of butter.........the only two food groups we know. Not really, actually, my mother has always been a good cook. I was raised on veggies from the garden, lots of them, but they all had some kind of meat or grease or whatever cooked in them. My main problem is junk food. I am a junkie for sure. When the stress hits, I want chips and dip and want to sit in the living room and eat them mindlessly.

I have done really well. Lost over 30 lbs now. Well maybe not. I haven't WI in over two weeks. I know I have gained and haven't mustered up the courage to go WI. What kind of coward am I? Afraid of a little scale. I was a military wife who was left in Japan while husband was out to sea with a one year old and I was the ripe old age of 20. I have handled a lot in my life. Two teenage sons comes to mind first. I made it through that. I made it through my husband being in Iraq for a year and a half (most importantly, he made through being in Iraq a year and half and having his convoy come under attack and taking shrapnel to the face) Though these are only a few things, my life is good. I am a smart woman, with beautiful children, a wonderful husband. Why can't I conquer this "food thing"???? I just don't get it. Why am I afraid to WI? Failure. We are all afraid of it I guess. I have tried to teach my children that failure molds you. Makes you a better person. If you have never failed, you must have never tried. SO, I am not going to quit trying. I may continually fail, but I will never quit trying. I can't. I feel too good. I want this to continue.............................so why am I wanting chips and a coke right NOW???? I hate it. I feel like some druggie wanting a fix or something!!!!!!!!

In the South all our lives everything revolves around food. I'm sure this is not limited to the South, however. My family gets together and everyone wants their favorite dish cooked by their favorite relative. Christmas, Marriages, Births, Summer Vacation, Funerals, Family Reunions, you name it. ...............we eat. In the town I'm from........................which to many people would be considered a small town..........but not really small - we do have five high schools....anyway, the only thing to do here is go out to eat. Its not for nutritional purposes.......its for recreational purposes. OMG.....its really annoying!

So, these are my rants today.