Frustrated!!!!!!

Okay, as I sit here on medical leave due to my hysterectomy, I am totally getting frustrated. I came home from the hospital with all of this energy and felt pretty good for just having an organ cut out of me!~ I have a high tolerance of pain. I thought. Here I am, it will be four weeks tomorrow and the things I am not able to do are really getting on my nerves. I can do laundry as long as I don't change it over.....meaning I can load the washing machine and fold it and put it away. So, that's limited and while that doesn't hurt my feelings at all because I HATE DOING LAUNDRY, I am actually wishing I could do it.

I did go in to work Friday and today (Monday) for three hours each day. I had to write checks and do my monthly bank statement. No one else is able to do it as I am the only one allowed in my books except for the auditors. One of the auditors said she could come, but then wasn't able to, so yes, it fell back to me to do. Well, that was awful. I was worn out Friday and hurt like hell. It took Saturday and Sunday to get over it. Well, went again today as I said and well now I feel even worse. Here I sit with my back on the heating pad wondering if I should take some of the 'STRONG' meds from the hospital. Not many of those puppies left and I want to hang on to them for something really big!!! LOL

After reading Carlos's blog, I realize I am in a rut that only I can snap myself out of. But, then again, every year I get in to this rut at this time.....yes it has a lot to do with Christmas and all the pressures that it brings. Now, I realize I will almost be healed by the time Christmas comes, because you know, when they say six weeks recovery, when that six weeks point hits, BAM you are healed!!! Anyway, the in-laws are coming and while I do love them, their presence alone is enough to cause a relapse! They are good people, I am just NOT the company type. I worry myself into a frenzy. My husband is the "if the house isn't ready by then...so be it" type person and well I am the "clean like crazy until they get here" type of person. So, if I don't do it...who will?

So, I am staging my comeback. I realize I should just jump on the bandwagon and get back to weight watchers right now, to hell with the big Christmas dinner and all the treats everyone seems to love to bring since I have had surgery..............but, I won't. I am waiting until its all over. I am waiting until the inlaws leave. I am putting off the weight loss..........again, but all the while, I promise I am staging a comeback!!! I have lost perspective of what matters and need to get that back before I can truly heal. Thanks to Carlos and to Kelly for making me realize what's important!

I changed

Well, I wrote one post about me changing my URL/Blog name....must have forgot to save it. Oh well, here it goes again.

I changed the name basically because this is the name I used with WW many years ago and honestly portraits me a little better. I have always felt trapped within myself. The inner me so desperately wanting to come out...the outer me always in control. No, I am not Sibyl, just one of the many people in the world who is fat on the outside - with a thin person dying to get out.

Having had two weeks at home recovering, I have had way too much time to think. Hence the name change. Having four more weeks to recover, lots more time to deal with the inner me and outer me struggles. I am rooting for the inner actually. She's the one who, after years and years of dieting, knows how to eat, knows nutrition, knows exercise, and knows this is the only way to fix what's wrong. The outer me, the demon in my life who is a control freak, is the one we have to fight!!

So, here's to letting the inner thin person inside me, out of this fat suit!!! Wish it were that easy. I know its not easy. I know its a struggle. I have already had the fun, or I wouldn't be this big. So, now its time for the struggles......................................Wish me luck!

Where Have I Been???

Okay, I have been gone for awhile. A long while. Am I back on Weight Watchers. Not just yet, but I am hoping this is a step in the right direction. Back at the end of September and/or the beginning of October, I got the news that I would need a hysterectomy. Well, after finally getting the answer I wanted, yes I wanted a hysterectomy, it kind of kicked me in the gut. After having years of problems and many other unsuccessful attempts of finding any other way other than a hysterectomy to solve the problems, I decided for a hysterectomy.

Well, I had this hysterectomy on Nov. 18th. I am now 11 days post op and haven't felt this good in years, if ever. Why didn't I do this sooner? I am ready to get up and start working out. Honestly, I feel super. Well, doc won't let me work out just yet, but seriously I have NEVER felt better. What took me so long? Good question, huh.

Well, my next challenge or challenges maybe, are going to be getting back to what I know works. Weight Watchers. There is just no reason not to. I think its a good omen I feel so good. Its telling me - "Girl, if you hadn't been on WW before this hysterectomy and got healthier and in better shape, your healing now wouldn't be as good." And I firmly believe this. So, what else besides healthier food and some light exercise to keep it going. RIGHT? So, as I sit here for the next five weeks with nothing else to do, I may as well use this to my advantage and get back to what works.